


Beating Heart (Delena Fanfiction)

by delena_x_semi



Category: Demi Lovato (Musician), Selena Gomez (Musician)
Genre: F/F, Lesbian Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-15 04:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 42,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5770909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delena_x_semi/pseuds/delena_x_semi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selena happens to have moved for the 3rd time this year. This time, to a cold place in Maine, called Caribou. She encouters Demi. A strictly raised girl with a passion for kickboxing. Demi lugs Selena along into the boxing ring, until they discover their preference in sexuality and love for one another. Which is when Demi finds out why Selena moves so often..<br/>This story is also available on wattpad.com: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/58193291-beating-heart-delena-fanfiction</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Cold City

Demi's POV:

_I am, that I am._ I read the words in the holy Bible while a person from the group spoke it out loud. We read one of my favorite stories: The Prince of Egypt. I had read the story and seen the movie a thousands of times. We all sat in a circle with the Bible in our hands. A catechesis group from Caribou, Maine. The northernmost place of America, besides Alaska, also one of the coldest. Quite conservative. Only share the bed after marriage. Having a child before marriage was a disgrace. The thought about homosexuality didn't exist in my world. Not yet. But, besides our sexism, I still managed to get a part in my kickboxing team. It's not that I like to beat up kids my age, I don't really know why I like it so much. Even though my family was a bit severe, I still went to a very normal high school. The school wasn't gross, but a little strict too. We always had to wear uniforms. The girls were only allowed to wear skirts. I hated them, I wasn't that kind of girl who wore heels and layers of make up on their faces. Only a tiny bit of mascara to blend in with the rest of the world. It was my life. The church, my kickboxing team and my school. But on November 3rd, it all changed.

_** November 3rd ** _

Selena's POV:

It happened again. I was the third time this year that I went to a new high school. I was used to warm places, so I wrapped myself into warm clothes like a burrito. Oh, where are my manners? My name is Selena Marie Gomez. You can call me Selena, or Sel if you feel like it. I am now 17 years old. Do I have friends? I can't really say that. Not locally anyway. I had a boyfriend in Chicago, but that didn't really work out. And I forgot to tell you one more thing. Most of the people who move to a new home, move because their parents have a new job or something. Well that's not my case. We moved because of me. I'll explain that later.  
  
I entered the tiny school and walked over to the office I was send to by the receptionist.  
"Ah, Miss Gomez. Here is your schedule and your locker code. If you want to change the code you can pay 3 dollars and choose a new one." The woman said while handing me the papers. No need to change the code, I guessed. Locker 451. 68379. Easy. I headed off to the locker and thoroughly studied my schedule. I widened my eyes when I saw my first 2 hours of lessons, today: PE. I looked at the time. I was already late and I didn't even bring gym clothes with me. Way to go, Selena. I quickly dumped my books into my locker and ran to the extra building. Yep, I was late. I closed the door of the girls' dressing room. All the new faces where pointed at me. And I just stood there with one empty bag and wearing the school uniforms for the first time.

Demi's POV:

Me and my friend Alice sat down on the benches and started to dress up for the gym. I tied my shoes and laughed at a joke she made. But suddenly somebody opened the door. I sat up. It was a girl with dark brown hair and a cute dolly face. She stood there for a moment. So that each girl in the room could observe her.

"Are you lost, Skinnylegs?" Sophia said. The bitch of our class. And I had the bad luck, we shared every single class on our schedule. The girl in the doorway indeed had skinny legs, but immediately giving her a nickname was rude. The girl shook her head shyly and sat down in the corner of the room. I finished changing and walked over to the gymnasium with Alice. We were going to play dodge ball. Great. I was quite bad at this game. We were one of the first to finish changing, so we stood against the wall and watched everyone walking in.

"Vanessa is wearing those pants again." Alice laughed. "You know, those pants-no-pants that made her butt so big. Unbelievable." She snarled at one of Sophia's friends. But I wasn't paying attention. My eyes followed Skinnylegs, she walked over to the teacher, without her gym clothes. She disappointedly walked to the opposite wall and stood against it. One foot on the floor, one foot against the wall. Her hands behind her back. But she did one remarkable thing. She lifted her hands and watched her wrists.

"Okay, everyone come stand closer to me." The teacher shouted and we all walked to him with our sleepy faces. It was way too early. I kept an eye on Skinnylegs's wrists. Maybe she cut herself? You'll always find people cutting their selves without really knowing why.

"Today we will at first do a game of dodgeball, maybe two, it depends on the time we have. Then we'll try something new. We will try judo. But of course, ladies and men apart." He grabbed 4 balls and threw them while blowing his whistle. "Fetch it! Come on, work people!"  
  
Selena's POV:

I backed out a little and stood behind the sporty people. When a ball got thrown at me, I didn't even take the effort to try to catch it. I only avoided the balls. One boy shouted. "Skinnylegs! Throw the ball!" The nicknames spread fast here. The boy stood there dodging from balls while waiting for me to throw a ball at him, so that he could throw it at one of the guys on the other side. I knew what danger I'd put myself into to hold a ball. But I picked it up anyways. I ran to him, but before I could throw the ball, another ball got thrown, right into my face. I almost lost balance while placing a hand on my face and letting my ball slip away. Ow. The guy grabbed my ball and continued. Was I out? The girl who threw the ball didn't know either. The teacher saw it happening.

"Reached for the head means you're not dead!" The teacher repeated the riddle. I watched the girl clenching her fist and walk backwards. She was clearly angry.

Demi's POV:

We had to take turns with judo. The boys were doing a very great job. It was my turn. And with who did I have to fight? Yeah, you guessed it. Skinnylegs. I didn't want to pity myself, and no offense to the shy girl. But my body was a little plumper, but stronger, build. Eating was important in a boxing career. The girl didn't have a chance of winning. We stood on the opposite of each other. Judo was way different compared to kickboxing. With boxing you have to hit and kick each other. With judo, you have to find a way to get the other girl in a grappling hold. The teacher whistled. I didn't really want to hurt the lady. I gave a look at Alice, who signed me that I should just go full on. If I did, I would totally crush her. But it would give my popularity rate a kick up. I lifted my fists up and started dancing with my feet. Back and forth. The pupils started cheering. The teacher, who knows what sport I do, started yelling "Hey, go easy on her. It's wrestling, not boxing."

Selena's POV:

Her beautiful fierce eyes looked straight into mine. She had a background, I knew it. The way her feet went back and forth looked like she had experience. And I didn't. Shit. The words "go easy on her" hurt. Since they're so good at nicknames, what nickname could she have? And her real name? I was strayed by my thoughts. Until she stepped forward. She placed on hand on my shoulder and the other around my hip. The touch tingled. She placed a foot behind mine and pushed me. I fell on the mat. She immediately fell on her knees to place me in a hold, but I quickly managed to get up.

"Good Gomez!" the teacher yelled.

A smile appeared on my face. This time I ran to her. I thought it would at least scare her a little, but she stayed focused and grabbed my shoulders. I followed and quickly grabbed her shoulders too. We pushed for a second. But her strong arms already surpassed my strength and she jumped onto me. We both fell on the ground, she wrapped her arms around my neck and a leg around my stomach. In a hold.

"3, 2, 1, out!" The girl loosened and got up.

"Good job, Demi! That's what I want to see from you girls!"

Demi. What a beautiful name. I got up. Demi smiled and high-fived her friend. Before leaving the mat she smiled shyly at me. But the smile immediately disappeared, like she thought it'd made her weaker. But it didn't, it would only make her more friendly.

The rest of the day was strange. It was like everyone completely ignored me. I was sitting alone in the breaks. Could they possibly read my mind? Was it already visible? What if I already had to move away from this cold town the next week. That would be my new record. What if Demi saw it? Maybe she already told the whole school. It wasn't that she was very popular, and she wasn't a bully either. She was just strong, everyone could see that and everyone knew it. I should give a try to make friends around here. The only person I know is her, should I befriend her? During classes with her, I could only look at her. She was too busy with her friend. She just attracted my attention all the time. She was such an interesting person.

When I got home I finally made a plan. I was going to try. Try to befriend Demi. I sat down on my desk and thought. I opened my laptop and searched her on Bee-message. Account name: Demi Lovato. Username: DemiD92. She was online. I didn't want to come across as a stalker. Maybe I shouldn't do it. Maybe I could talk to her before sending her a request. I clicked on the chat box. I typed and hesitated to press Enter. Come on try it.

SuperSellyG: - Hi

I waited for her reply. It was scary. Maybe she was going to ignore me.

Demi's POV:

"Demetria, stop surfing around on those weird social networks. You were going to help your father in the garden. We cannot work on Sunday, and it will storm on Monday. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but you can show off yourself on those stupid try outs tomorrow!" My mother said while cooking.

"Yes, momma." I answered while listening to music with my earplugs. Bach's organ works: Volume I was being played in the living room. But I banged some good Coldplay through it. That old man, Bach. Ha. I knew every note he wrote in this album. I could sing every piece. Although, Coldplay had become my new obsession since the previous 2 years. I listened to Clocks while 'Respecting' some photo's on Bee-message. Which was nothing special. Just clicking a little star, over and over again. I stopped at one video. Joe Schilling, one of my boxing idols, made a very great score at his LMS championship. I watched the video. He was so good. But suddenly a message popped onto my screen. I paused the video and read it.

SuperSellyG: - Hi

SuperSellyG? I didn't know a Selly. Her profile picture was a picture of Hayley Williams, the lead singer of Paramore. I liked that band. I replied.

DemiD92: - Hi. Who are you..? ;p

SupperSellyG: - Oh, sorry xd It's Selena Gomez. You kind beat me up during PE...

Wait, is Skinnylegs talking to me? I was confused. I had been interested in her all day long. A new girl who looks at her wrists like she just got a new tattoo, is now talking to me.

DemiD92: - Oh, you haha. Sorry bout that.

SuperSellyG: It's okay :P So do you have any experience with judo?

DemiD92: - Kinda, I'm a kickboxer at the Aroostook Fitness Center.

SuperSellyG: Cool!

DemiD92: -Do you like that? ;D You should visit the try outs tomorrow! I'll be there too, to help people and 'show off myself'.

SuperSellyG: Oh idk. You saw it, I'm not that strong and stuff so

DemiD92: - You did give me some nice pushes on the mat. Well, if you want to go, I look forward to see you :3 Gtg now, byebye!

 


	2. The Try-outs

**_ December 4th _ **

Selena's POV:

I woke up on my mattress. The moving van was one day too late. My new room was filled with boxes and clothes. It wasn't big; even worse, it was one of the smallest rooms I've ever had. I stared at the ceiling and a smile appeared on my face when I remembered what I was going to do today: The kickboxing try-outs. I opened my laptop and searched for the time they were going to start. Shit! I was already late! I ran downstairs and quickly grabbed my sport clothes and jacket. I grabbed my motorcycle, my beautiful 250cc BMW R27. I once bought it and fixed it myself. I was pretty proud of the old baby. I quickly raced to the Aroostook Fitness Center. Many cars were parked there. I took off my helmet and ran inside. I got stopped by the receptionist.  
"Hi, dear. Did you want to join the try-outs?" An old lady asked. I nodded with a smile.  
"Well, that will be four and a half dollars please." She opened the cash desk and I grasped for my wallet. I opened it, it was empty. Shit.  
"I uhm, forgot my money... Can I maybe pay back later?" I shyly scratched my cheek.  
"Sorry honey, but without money, you cannot participate." I wanted to disappointedly walk away. But two hands on my shoulders stopped me.  
"This one is on the house Helga." I turned around and saw Demi. She wore a sport shirt that ended above her belly button and a sport short. Her hair was tied up and she already wore small aerobic boxing gloves. You know, the ones whereby your fingers are still visible. She smiled brightly at me.

"I invited her yesterday and she didn't have time to go to an atm." She confidently said.  
"Well, only because you finally brought a friend, Demi." Helga smiled. I signed up.

Demi led me to the ring. She was barefoot. One person was waiting to start kickboxing. He spilled water over his face and tied his gloves tighter. People stood around the ring, chatting with each other.  
"We will start in 2 minutes. So please hurry up, I don't want you to miss it." Demi said while pulling her ponytail straight. I looked back at the man who was preparing to fight while Demi followed me to the dressing room.  
"With whom will he fight?" I asked.

Demi smiled widely. "Me!" She closed the door.  
Wait what!? Demi was going to fight that muscled chap!? I quickly dressed myself and ran to the ring. Demi stood at the edge of it, preparing to fight. With a mouthpiece between her jaws, she stretched her neck to different positions and jumped up and down. One of her boxing friends helped her with her gloves while the other guy stood ready to step forward.

"Okay everybody! My name is Coach Springtown. To introduce our team, we will begin with a fight between one of my greatest members. Then we will start with the real try-outs! Please welcome, Timothy and Demi!" The trainer clapped while walking to the edge of the ring. People cheered and I clapped along. The lights went off, except for the one in the ring. Timothy and Demi stepped towards each other and gave a hand to their opponent. Demi looked around the ring and winked at me. The coach whistled his whistle and the two started jumping back and forth while holding their hands up. Just like how Demi started before she threw me on the mat during PE. Timothy challenged Demi by kicking her legs softly. Demi held her hands to her face and Timothy started giving her small punches. She didn't get hit because she defended herself. Demi started kicking too. The guy punched her in the face, but she quickly looked back and started kicking even more. She punched in his face this time. They varied between kicks and punches for a moment until they almost hugged each other. The coach took them apart for a second and they started again.

Demi's POV:

I really wanted to impress the people standing around the ring. Especially Selena. They came all the way here to try out something that I like, so I better show them how to do that. Timothy was a great kick boxer. I had fought with him before, he won that time. His only problem was his timing. Kicking and punching was no problem to him, neither was distance, nor being unexpected. His punches were too slow and I sometimes could easily jump away from his kicks. So I'd better use his flaws. He kicked at me and I tried to punch in his stomach. With a feint I tried to punch him the face. But he managed to grab my head, he started kicking in my stomach. Full on into my lungs. In a reflex I collapsed on my knees and spitted out my mouthpiece. I coughed and searched for air. Ruby ran to me and helped me up.  
"C'mon girl, give him a good punch." She said while putting my piece back in my mouth. I nodded and turned around again. If you thought I had no flaws. Think again. My strength was still very minimal, and I quickly had the urge to 'follow the other's footsteps'. That's how we called it. It meant that the other drives you in a corner by just jumping forward and expecting that you step backwards. I just didn't pay enough attention to it. Timothy started punching towards my face again. Going out for a moment gives your opponent a big boost. I defended myself but tried to kick in his stomach. But before I knew, I was in a corner. If someone drives you in a corner, it's kind of a problem. It means you can't flee from kicks and punches and the only way to go back is by kicking and punching the other back to the middle. I tried, but didn't succeed. I reached for his head, sounds of fatigue started to escape my mouth as he punched me in the face. Until he gave his last shot. Bam. In my face. I fell into the robes and held my hand up, which means you give up. Timothy stopped and raised his arms, while people started to cheer. I spitted my mouthpiece out again. Drops of sweat fell on my chest as I poured water in my mouth. Ruby gave me a handshake and placed my head between her hands: 'good job'. I failed, but had outdone myself. I left the ring to get a towel. Selena stood on the opposite of me and cheered.

"You were great! I wish I was as strong as you." She said.  
"Did you like it?" I asked while re-doing my hair. I hoped she did.

"Yes! I'd really love to try it." She answered excited.  
"Then exceed your skills, coach Springtown only chooses the ones he truly believes in. Come here." I stood next to her and made the right pose for her to imitate. She placed her feet and arms the same way.

"Now, tight your muscles, like no punch or kick can let you fall over." She clenched her fists and a small muscle stripe on her thin arms appeared. Nice.  
"They should call you Skinnyarms, too." I punched them to stabilize them even more.  
"Good. Now to defend yourself, you must place your fists before you face. As if you can almost touch your nose with your medial phalange." She tried it and I studied her posture.  
"Think fast." I said and immediately punched her softly in the defending hands. Her head got hit by her own fists. She laughed.  
"You must keep your face from getting punched, so don't punch yourself." I laughed. I helped her with different techniques until Springtown whistled again. I was still wondering why Selena started chatting with me yesterday. Didn't she make ANY friends? I doubted it.

"Okay so we will carry away the ring and place some mats over the room, we will make pairs of 2. The team members will help and criticize you during a fight." He walked over and pointed to pairs. "You two, over there. You two, over here." I helped carrying the ring away and placed mats here and there. Selena had to fight with a girl her age. I rushed over to her, so that I could criticize her pair. "Disciples, did you choose a couple?" We held our thumbs up. I smiled at Selena. She was nervous. I saw it in her face. I mouth to her while lowering my hands, 'breath'. She sighed. The coach whistled and the two girls placed their selves in the right stance. I laid my hands on their shoulders and stepped back. They began walking back and forth.  
While they fought, coach Springtown walked over to me.  
"Any outliers?" He asked quietly. I pointed at Selena.

"That girl over there. She's smart. She doesn't look like a kick boxer, but if we train her she might become one of our greatest." I said, trying to convince him. What I said wasn't nonsense, I truthfully spoke to the old man. He checked his list and wrote something down.  
"Good work, Dems." He gave a pat on my shoulder and walked away.

Selena's POV:

The try-outs were finished. I was dressing myself up in the dressing room. I was thinking about what happened during my fight. Demi pointed at me, and coach Springtown satisfyingly nodded. I couldn't hear what they said about me, but Demi sure did scoop up about me.  
I finished changing and walked back to the front door. Demi was talking to the girl who helped her during her fight. She looked around and saw me walking to my motorcycle. She ran to me and looked surprised at my baby.

"Is that yours?" She asked. I smiled.

"Yeah. One hundred percent mine." I shifted the keys and started the motor. She was impressed and crossed her arms. Her friends stood next to her.

"Hey, what's your name? You were a good fighter." The friend said. I shook her hand.  
"I'm Selena, what's yours?"  
"Ruby. Nice cycle!"

"Thanks." I smiled.  
"Well, we have to go. After a special day our team always hangs out at Par & Grill. And the day of try-outs sure is a special day. We'll talk to you later! Bye!" Demi said and left with Ruby. Ruby said something to Demi, Demi gave her a teasing push and they ran to a car. I smiled. They really had fun in the team. I put my helmet on my head and crossed away.

Later that day, I went on my computer and logged on at Bee-Message. I was slurping my milkshake while typing in my password. When I opened my notification box I was shocked. Many notifications and friend requests were being sent to me. But the only friend I made was Demi. And maybe Ruby. I looked at the friend requests. I didn't know any of the people, except for, indeed, Demi and Ruby. I accepted those two. I looked at my notifications. What? I was tagged in a photo?  
It was a photo of me fighting with the girl from this morning. I looked at the person who sent it; it was the Caribou Kick Box Team itself: We had our try-outs this year! Look at how motivated they were! Those kind of people make a big chance in our team :)  
I was shocked and happy at the same time. Demi must have sent my account to the team. How else could they possibly tag me? The other friend requests should have been from the people that are interested in the team around town. I opened my chat box with Demi

SuperSellyG: You just made me popular! :o

DemiD92: Sorry? ;p

SuperSellyG: No need to be sorry haha.

I was thinking about a way to befriend Demi even more. So that we could maybe hang out at school.

SuperSellyG: Do you maybe want to go out for lunch tomorrow?  
  
I gulped after typing that. I didn't know this girl all too well and asking her to go shopping was kind of a big risk. She didn't reply for a few minutes.

DemiD92: No, sorry. My mother doesn't allow me to do things with friends on Sunday.  
SuperSellyG: Why not?

DemiD92: I don't know. Sunday is a rest day.

SuperSellyG: Oooh, I didn't know you were religious. Sorry.

DemiD92: Yeah.. gtg now. Ttyl.

SuperSellyG: Oh okay, bye!

_DemiD92 is offline._

I read our conversation back. Gosh, I sounded so desperate. Why did I do that all the time? I read the last sentences back, I completely scared her off. Damnit.


	3. The Mistake

Demi's POV:

_**December 6th** _

Yesterday I was at my church. We were singing and praying, but the only thing that was on my mind was Selena. I didn't know why. She was so interesting. I made her from Skinnylegs to a future kick boxer. How cool is that? I remembered a part of the preach precisely. The vicar took a sip from his glass of water and started burying his conservative thoughts into our souls:  
  
God is our guardian

He gives us safety and protection

He prevents us from getting on the wrong path

And he forgives us if we learn from our mistakes

He made the bible to teach us that what we can and cannot do

I read to you: 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

_Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God._

I want you to engrave this piece into your heart

God does not prevent us from committing sins

If you do not stick to the rules of the almighty

The doors to the Lord's heaven will not be opened for you

And you will pay for being a part of the sinning

It was fun to go to church. Meeting friends with all ages. But those preaches had brainwashed the whole town. I never felt like any practice of homosexuality was a sin. Not that I had ever done something like that. Preference in sexuality was something I never really thought about. I wouldn't mind to fall in love with a girl, but my parents? They'd never understand, probably.  
  
I was getting ready to go to school. Was Selena going to follow me now? I didn't know if I wanted that. Alice was a very good friend of mine. Only walking around with her was enough fun for me. If Selena would walk with us, it could change our mood. I guess. Selena was nothing like Alice. And what would the rest of the school think about it? I know, Selena is way more important than my popularity. But it's still a disadvantage. I should just wait for what was going to happen. Maybe Selena already made a friend, by asking someone else to go lunch with her. I felt bad to cancel the appointment. So bad, that I started acting weird during our chat. I felt sorry for that, too. After saying bye, I thought about what I had sent her. I was being a real jerk. She must have regretted the question, that would be completely unnecessary. I felt so stupid.

I parked my car in the parking lot and walked towards the doors. I jammed on one of Coldplay's songs with my earplugs. Selena's motorcycle already stood near the waste containers. She was already at school. Shit. I walked inside and opened my locker, while imperceptibly play backing to Viva La Vida. I noticed something remarkable. Alice usually already encountered me and should now stand beside me. But she wasn't here. Which is when I realized I hadn't checked my phone this morning. I took it out of my bag and opened a message: _Me sa sick, master. Me sa cannot leave my cave, master._ _L_ _x Al. (can pass on you my absence the teachers to? X Yoda)_

I laughed and pulled out my earplugs. I closed my locker. I turned around and saw Selena nearby her locker, too. She looked paralyzed at me and quickly turned around. Why didn't she say hi? I was confused and quickly walked to my class.

Selena's POV:

I stopped my motorcycle near the waste containers and walked inside. I walked over to my locker and viewed my schedule. Biology and economy. I heard a quiet whisper behind me. I turned around and saw Demi standing alone by her locker. Her hair was shining, especially with the school lights, after lowering her head. I smiled.

"Hey Demi!" I said. To my surprise, she didn't reply.  
"Demi?" I tried once more, but she completely ignored me. So it was true. I scared her off by asking her to go for a lunch. Damnit, goodbye first friend. I stood there frozen, looking at Demi's back. She grinned. She must have found me ridiculous. Until she finally turned around. She looked at me with a poker face. I couldn't stand the awkwardness any longer and quickly turned around. She walked away.

I checked my wrists while walking to Biology. But before I knew I already stood in the classroom, it was fully filled. I reached for the only empty seat: There was one empty table, diagonally behind Demi. Sigh. The teacher walked in, Miss James. That kind of teacher that should be a lawyer. She was strict and never listened to any pupil. I took the books out of my bag and laid one leg over the other. James wildly wrote something on the old school board with a crayon. _FROGS_. She began talking.

"Today we are starting a new chapter about reptiles. And to start this in the right way, we are going to do my favorite subject in teaching biology: dissecting frogs. Tomorrow you must be at the lab before class starts."  
The whole class nauseated, but Demi didn't move single bit. She looked at her hands. They were full of wounds, from training, of course. But the wounds looked very current, like they were made this morning. Like they bled five minutes ago. She caressed her knuckles, her hands trembled. They reminded me of my wrists, but the funny thing was. I didn't have any scars or wounds on them.  
She bit her lip, what was she thinking about? She looked back at me and I quickly looked down, to pretend I didn't notice her. She had all reasons to be angry at me, but what would happen if I made the kickboxing team? Would she still ignore me? Ugh, I hated everything about getting ignored. You can't do anything about it, any social movement gets blocked. It slowly kills you inside.  
I didn't care about anything Miss James was talking about. Neither did Demi.

Demi's POV:

We awkwardly sat one seat away from each other. I sat down on a place with two empty seats on purpose, but she didn't even hesitate to pass by. It hurt. She probably felt attacked on our chat. I couldn't handle this any longer. I was going to start a conversation with her during the first break, I arranged to myself. I secretly put my earplugs into my ears to fight back my worries for a moment. Sigh. I wished Alice was sitting next to me.  
  
After economy the break had finally arrived. I quickly walked to the cafeteria after changing my books. Selena sat on the same place as Friday. She was looking at her wrists again, but I still couldn't see what was wrong with them. I walked over to her and sat down on the opposite chair. She immediately looked up and looked open-eyed at me. Not even angry.  
"I'm sorry that I acted so curtly and stupid, Saturday. I didn't mean to cut you off like that." I said.  
Her jaws almost dropped, which made me confused.  
"What?" I asked.  
She didn't respond for a few seconds and sat up.  
"I thought you were angry at me." She said.  
"Why would I?"  
"Because I was acting stupidly desperate to get a friend. I thought you lied to me to wriggle yourself out of the situation. That you couldn't say no to me because you just didn't want to go for a lunch with me." She stuttered.  
"I would never do something like that... What I said was the truth, I AM religious."  
"Sorry for not believing you."  
I smiled.

"It's okay, and again sorry for responding so stupid. I was just feeling bad for you." I truthfully spoke

She smiled back at me and started eating her apple. Her smile made me happy. I actually wanted to ask her about her wrists. I was too afraid she was cutting herself or something. No wonder she was desperate to get friend, maybe she felt lonely.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" I began. She nodded.

  
"I noticed you are looking at your wrists all the time. I was afraid you possibly cut yourself..."  
She widened her eyes again and almost chocked in her apple. She coughed.  
"No, no! I don't cut myself! God, no, who would do something like that?"

"Then why do you look at them all the time?"

Selena's POV:

Shit, shit, shit, shit. If I told her now, I could move away again tomorrow. And after all, she DID notice it. But she didn't tell anyone, I hoped. She was just curious on her own, could I trust her? I was in a rush to think this through. I definitely didn't have enough time, but little did she know.  


"I.. uhm, I have.." I stuttered while looking at Demi's questioning face. I wanted to start explaining by pulling up my long sleeves and showing her my wrists. My heart pounded wildly. But for the love of God, my phone rang. I immediately picked up.  
  
"Hello?" I said with a scared voice. Demi sighed and disappointedly looked down.  
_"Hello Miss Gomez! It's Helga speaking, I am very happy to announce you that you made it in the kick box team!"_  
  
I almost screamed of excitement. I opened my mouth and laughed at Demi, who started to understand what was going.  
  
"Oh my god, are you serious!?"

_"Yep! You can begin on Wednesday. You can ask Demi to help you get your outfit or something."_

I thanked her and said goodbye.  
  
"I made it to the kick box team!!!" I happily said.  
  
Demi's POV:

After school, Selena and I went shopping to get her good kick boxing equipment. The belly top looked good on her. Her waist was like one of a model. She could easily become one, the only problem would be her height. She was a few inches longer than me, and I wouldn't be approved to be a model at all, not only for my height. After fitting some clothes, we went to a shop to get milkshakes.  
  
"So." She spoke. "How old are you, actually?" I was surprised by her question, she could ask all the questions in the world and she asked my age? Or was this the start of an interrogatory, I wasn't good at answering many questions.

"I'm 18." I answered with a smile. "How much do you want to know about me?" I stabbed with my straw against the bottom of my milkshake cup. Selena laughed while having trouble with the collar of her stupid school uniform. She tried to bend it, but as soon as her sleeves fell down she immediately shove them back up.  
  
"We can take turns if you want?" She said with a squeezed voice.  
"Okay, here let me help you." I got up and bended the collar. My fingers accidently touched her neck, which gave her a shiver. She ignored it, and so I did too. I sat down again.  
"Then it's my turn, let me think. Hm. Do you have any brothers or sisters?" I asked.

"No, I'm an only child. Literally." I didn't know what she meant with that last addition. _Literally_.

"My turn." She took a sip. "You said that you can't go out on Sunday, because you're family is religious. Than how did you make it into your kickboxing team?" Great question.

"It took me a long time to fetch my mom over. I was 13 years old. I told my mom that I didn't want to play my harp anymore and that I wanted to do something sporty. I convinced her and my dad by saying that she was in a football team once." I proudly told her. She smiled and took another sip while playing with the menu cart.

"My question is; are you going to tell me again why you look at your wrists so often?" I highly regretted that question. Selena's smiled quickly disappeared, it was a real mood killer to her. She gulped. She looked into my eyes and dourly spitted the words out:  
"No. I'm sorry, I can't tell you." She again pulled her sleeves down extra swiftly. I didn't dare to ask further, but my mouth was quicker than my brain.

"Why not? Don't you trust me?" I roughly said. She looked down.

"I do, but.. I. I have to go." She got up. The fact that she backed out again made me a little pissed. I quickly got up too and unfortunately asked even further.

"No! You were going to tell me! How can such thing be so secret? You swore you didn't cut yourself, what else should possibly be hidden like this!?" Selena stood frightened in the corner of the room. Frightened of me. She gave a quick look at the faces that were watching us. She said nothing and walked out of the shop. She disappeared. I covered my face with my hands. What did I do?  
"Selena.." I quickly ran out of the shop. I grabbed my keys to open the car. To my surprise, Selena was nowhere to be seen. But her motorcycle was still parked at the sport shop. I looked around.

"Selena!?" I desperately yelled. I looked around the corner and dropped my keys of shock. I saw her.

"Oh my God."


	4. The Penarik

Demi's POV:

I can't really explain what I saw. She fell, obviously, she was lying there passed out on the ground. She fell her stomach with her head on her upper arm. It was dark outside and she glowed a little. Maybe the glowing was only my imagination; it was as if she had imbibed all the sunlight around her. It was still around 3 pm, but the scenery around her was like a dark night. There were stars, but not in the sky, they were floating around her. Like fireflies, they floated on the air.

I ran and fell on my knees next to her. I hesitated if I should check her heartbeat on her wrists. Because I was afraid of finding her dead. And, secondly, because she clearly told me not to. However, this was an emergency. I pulled her sleeves up. What I saw was intriguing. Her wrists were grey, as if all the blood had been removed. There were symbols imprinted on her skin, I had never seen such symbols before. Her blood vanes where luminous, they looked like lightning. I pressed my thumb against them. I did not feel anything. I tried different places, even her neck. However, there was no heartbeat to be felt. A shock raged through my body. Nevertheless, before I even thought about the fact she could be dead, I startled badly when she suddenly opened her eyes. She inhaled swiftly and sat up.  
"Oh my god, are you okay?" I anxiously said. She fearfully looked around while the stars reacted on her movement.  
"Shit!" She acted like it happened before, but like something else was going to happen too. That is, until suddenly the window of the shop fractured out of nowhere. I covered my head when the shards fell upon me. The stars started dancing around. I looked closely at them; they were as tiny luminous water drops.

The fences behind us started shaking, but there was no wind. The power poles sparked wildly. Selena got up.  
"We need to get out of here, NOW!" She determinedly yelled. She helped me up and started running out of the darkness, I followed her. The darkness followed us. It crawled on the houses and the ground. We ran through town, there was no one to be seen. I got out of breath, but didn't want to lose Selena. She turned around, gave a look at the darkness and grabbed my hand. Her hands were ice cold. We ran towards the houses. Across the road, to the bothy at the end of the street. The old house hadn't been used for decades. She quickly opened the door, and pulled me inside. She slammed the door and panted with her back against it. I saw the darkness vanishing and the sun started shining again. I snapped. I completely snapped of fright and anger.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?" I yelled. Selena sighed and tensed her lips with a fierce look in her brown eyes. She patiently waited until I was finished with panicking.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier!? Why didn't you at least tell me you wrists had something to do with the supernatural!? God, why would you try to befriend me if you already knew this was going to happen!!?" I stopped shouting and brushed with my hands through my curly hair. She waited another few seconds, to reassure I was fully listening to her.  
"I didn't know this was going to happen. It happened before, but certainly not at this time." She inhaled deeply. "I'm a Penarik. I'm a part of an Indonesian legend. It means attractor or puller, attracting the darkness. I attracted darkness since birth. I didn't ask for it. I hate it. It killed my parents and little sister." Tears started to fill up her eyes. I calmed down.  
"What do you mean with darkness? We saw more than just darkness." I asked.

"Darkness in any way you can see it. Darkness like the night, shadows, darkness in the human being, darkness in bad luck and accidents. I was born with five dark creatures that stay with me for the rest of my life. I'm usually able to expel them. But when the night comes, they're too powerfull. It's frightening to see. They are like persons with feelings. They get jealous easily and fully claim me. They hate it when I stress out. If I do, they warn me by just literally pulling my soul out of my body for a minute, via my wrists. That's how I can see it coming, it becomes grey." I frowned. Darkness, pulling the soul out of someone's body. The idea scared me.  
"Believe me, there is way more than just those attacks. I have to sleep in a closed home to keep me save from it. You don't want to see me when it comes into my house." She spoke while trembling.  
"Do you live in this house all on your own?"

"Yes, it's the only house that's far enough from my previous home. When people discover me, they usually want to kill me or etherize me to do experiments."

"Are there more of your kind?"  
"I'm not sure. I never met someone like me." She looked down while still shivering. I looked straight into her scared wide eyes. I stepped closer to her. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"You're an orphan.." She softly nodded.  
"Does the government know you live alone in this trash of a house?" I looked around. The wallpapers were torn down and the floor was cracked. The windows were boarded up with old pieces of wood. Several boxes were placed near the stairs.

"The government doesn't know I exist, I have a fake identity. Selena really is my first name, I don't remember my real last name." She sighed and stared at me.

I looked back at her. What was I going to do with this creature? I quickly corrected myself, Selena was still human. Just different. Being around her could be dangerous for me. But she was such a sweet girl and somehow darkness wasn't the only thing she attracted... Like I said, I was interested in her since the day she came. Why was that?  
"I completely understand if you don't want to be friends anymore. I trust you, I hope you won't tell anyone." She opened the door for me to leave. She was visibly disappointed. No, the thought of leaving her wasn't even an option for me somehow. I shook my head. She looked confused at me.

Selena's POV:

I just told this innocent girl my whole life. I never did that to anyone, but I couldn't resist. I just knew she could maybe help me. But the moment I told her everything, I understood that this was too crazy for her. I opened the door for her and told her she could go. But she shook her head, what did that mean? She hesitated to speak.  
"I-if it won't hurt us, I don't care. You're still Selena like I like-... know you." Those were the words I dreamed of, and they came true in a few seconds. A huge smile appeared through my tears. I was still broken that I told her, it could change everything. She looked at me and smiled. She saw my pain. She opened her arms and walked towards me to hug me. I hesitated to hug back. She wrapped her arms around my waist. A gesture I missed since my parents died. I hugged back and another tear dropped on her shoulder. I quickly let go.  
"Sorry." I sniffed with a smile.

**_8th December_ **

Yesterday was a perfect day. Demi and I didn't share any of our classes on Tuesday, so we met each other in the breaks. Demi told Alice about me. Not my secret of course, but she did tell her about the fact we became friends. The first break was kind of hard for Alice, she didn't know me at all and we were very different people. But during lunch, we chatted about our interest in engineering. She had a car she pimped up all by herself and she told me about her small business in repairing things around school. She always repaired things like cellphones, MP3-players and even laptops. She got payed well, she even offered me to help sometime. Today we had a free day, because school needed to prepare for the new rebuilding that was about to happen. Demi and I decided to make the day a 'befriending and wrestling-day'. We had been chatting all night about my secret and the wrestling. She had many questions, which I completely understood.

SuperSellyG: I'm so excited for my first training!

DemiD92: Yeah me 2. Hey, I actually still have some questions..

SuperSellyG: Shoot :)

DemiD92: Isn't it dangerous? I mean you know..

SuperSellyG: it can be sometimes. The case of bringing people in danger haven't happened often until today.

DemiD92: What happens if you're yourself or others in danger?

SuperSellyG: Oh idk many things can happen. It depends on what the darkness feels atm.

DemiD92: How do you know how they feel..?

SuperSellyG: Their behaviour, and my wrists ofcourse. I see darkness when It's not actually there sometimes.

DemiD92: quite scary

SuperSellyG: yeah it can be sometimes. I've been through allot. But anyways, at what time will I see you tomorrow? I kinda need sleep now.

DemiD92: Oh yeah, it starts at 5 pm, so will I see you at 12 at my house for a lunch :) ? Old Washburn Rd, 49

SuperSellyG: Sure! I see you tomorrow. Sleep well x

DemiD92: You too x


	5. Gone from the world

Selena's POV:

_**9th December** _

I was excited for today. I got up from my bed. Even though my furniture had finally arrived, my room was still very empty. I inherit most of it from my parents and if I needed something else, it could take me months to save money for it. Do not even ask me how I get money; you do not want to know. However, the way I got money must be build up again. And that takes some time, which means no breakfast for a few months. Ugh. I walked downstairs and climbed through the boxes to get into the kitchen. I filled a little saucepan with water. I placed it on the stove and grabbed some coffee pads. I sighed. My mornings were the worst. I placed the cheap pad in a sieve, above a mug and poured the boiled water over it. I grabbed my phone, no messages. I played a stupid game while drinking my soiled coffee and waiting for the minutes to pass by. It would sound very desperate if I asked her if I could come earlier, but I was so bored at that moment. I was so afraid to sound despairing around her all the time, maybe because I never had a friend like her before.

I parked my cycle on the doorstep of America's largest house. Well, the biggest house I had ever seen anyway. My jaw dropped as I took off my helmet. This wasn't a house, this was almost a villa! Before heading off to the door I quickly gave a look to their garden behind the big wooden cube. It was full of flowers and it even had a pool. I hopped to the door and shyly ringed the doorbell. I looked at the walls under the awning. A cross hung next to the window. I looked at the suffering face of Jesus Christ. I didn't really know anything about religion, who knew what rituals it involved. The door finally got opened by Miss Demi herself. She smiled brightly and greeted. I had never seen her in her daily clothes. After the wrestling try-outs, she wore a jogging suit. Now, she wore a brown leather jacket with some blue jeans. With a white T-shirt and a necklace with a pendant in the shape of the moon. She wore more make up than I was used to from her. Did she make herself up for me or did she look this pretty on a regular basis? I didn't even have make up in my possession, too expensive for something I didn't need. I greeted back.

"Come on in. My mother already hoped you'd be in time. She fixed us some iced vanilla soy lattes." I widened my eyes. Such expensive drinks already. I stepped inside and looked around.

"Demi! You never told me you live in a huge house like this!" The floor and walls were polished white and the whole place was filled with old ornaments as carpets and swords. The place smelled like almond, just like Demi.  
"My dad's a judge and my mother owns animal clinics." She walked with me to the living room.

"Ah! There you are!" A sweet woman in her 40's quickly walked towards me to give me 2 kisses on the cheeks. Her hair ended by her shoulders and she wore very dignified clothes.  
"Nice to meet you I am Claudia, Demi's mother. Demi has been so excited for you to come, she wouldn't stop talking about you." I felt my cheeks getting red, so did Demi's.  
"Yeah, mom. You don't have to tell her that." She smiled.

"Oh, excusez moi. Sit down, honey, I made you some nice drinks." We sat down on the couch and Demi's mother brought a plate with 2 beautiful glasses of a red substance. Happily decorated with lemon slices and a herb. Demi immediately grabbed one and sat back.  
"Thank you." I politely said and grabbed one, too.

"So, I thought about going to my room after these drinks." Demi said with a sour face after sucking on one of the lemon slices. I laughed.

"Ah, these are very ripe." She laughed too.

"I would love to."

I had to put off my shoes before heading upstairs. We ran up and Demi plopped onto her bed. I looked around. It wasn't anything like I expected. The wallpapers were dark purple with posters of Coldplay hanging on them. A box ball hung on the ceiling and desk stood in the corner, full of stuff. And in the other corner, a harp. I walked over to it. It was brown and fully made of wood. Different patterns were engraved into it.  
"Do you find it pretty? " Demi curiously asked, while patiently waiting for me to finish observing her room. I nodded.

"I haven't used the beauty in 5 years. It always just stood their gleaning dust. I cleaned it yesterday, which is a quite hard job." Demi explained.

"Can you play?" I asked.

"Well I have been practicing for 7 years so, yes." She mumbled. I raised an eyebrow while grinning at her. She now realized.

"Oh you mean NOW? Owh, uhm... yeah uhm. Like I said, I haven't played for years." She shyly said. I begged with puppy dog eyes. She grinned and got up. I sat down while she carefully placed the harp in front of her chair. She sat down.

"It's like a piano. I know songs with or without song texts. Sooo.. What do you want me to do?" She asked while caressing the column and lightly striking some strings.

"You should sing." I replied. She gave little grin of nerves.

Demi's POV:

"Okay I know a song, it's probably a little rusty but yeah." I cleared my throat, while sitting up, and

I placed my wounded fingers on the strings. I stroke the Gm, followed with a F, a C and a G.

 

When the white flag sails, covered in streaks of blood  
There'll be an endless sea, of us rising up  
And the preacher man, and the preacher's son  
Will stand arm in arm, just like everyone

  
Me longing to be free, I won't let you fade away  
We shed so many dreams, I'll let them fade away

In the hands of love, we carry on  
Stronger than we started  
Be ashamed of the trail behind us  
Wicked is the blinded  
Who we are comes to life, yeah  
Who we are comes to life

When the water spills, the glass will break  
It drips like tears, running up your face  
And the hounds will cry, for the dance of war  
But the sons of joy, their victory will soar

Me longing to be free, I won't let you fade away  
We shed so many dreams, I'll let them fade away

In the hands of love, we carry on  
Stronger than we started  
Be ashamed of the trail behind us  
Wicked is the blinded  
Who we are comes to life, yeah  
Who we are comes to life

Me longing to be free, I won't let you fade away

In the hands of love, we carry on  
Stronger that we started  
Be ashamed of the trail behind us  
Wicked is the blinded  
Who we are comes to life, yeah  
Who we are comes to life

We come alive  
We come alive  
We come alive  
We come alive  
We come to life

I ended the song with a D. I had forgotten how magical it felt to play. Striking the strings cleared my head in a second. It's as if I'm playing in heaven. That is, especially with these beautiful songs. When I end the song, it feels like I have to sink back to the normal world. In those 4 minutes of playing, I felt amazing. It was nothing as I remembered when I wanted to quit at the age of 13. Maybe I could one-day play again.

Selena's POV:

She sang the most beautiful song I had ever heard. I looked at all the details of her pretty face. Her eyes were pointed to the strings and she softly bounced back and forth with her upper body. Her legs moved up and down to hit the right pedals. Her fingers played on the magical instrument. She was gone from the world, and I had the permission to watch how her heart got fulfilled with the notes that gave goose bumps to the both of us. As I looked at her, I noticed my heart beating faster. I sighed and looked away for a moment. The feeling was weird; I couldn't look at her anymore, until she finished her song and came back to the world. I smiled.

"Woah, I, I don't have words for this. That was so magical." I told her.

Demi grinned and blushed. I could see she realized something as her beautiful smile disappeared quickly. Just like during PE, when she smiled at me for a second after winning our duel. She got up and placed the harp back. She checked the clock.

"We still have 4 and a half hour. What do you want to do?"

"Uhm, I don't really know what we can do here." I replied.

Demi bit her upper lip while looking around, until she looked at me and smiled.

"I know something." She grabbed the chair. "Sit down."

I got up from the bed and sat down. I didn't know what she wanted to do. She grabbed stuff from an open closet and turned around; with a bin, full of makeup. I looked surprised at her. I shyly stuttered.

"N-no..."

"Yes." She smiled.

"No!" I laughed.

"Yes, yes!" She sat down on the office chair and dumped the bin next to her. She raised an eyebrow to me. I nodded as admission. She happily got up and quickly grabbed all of my hair to tie it up.

Demi's POV:

I got up to tie her hair together. Her hair was very soft, but quite damaged. She probably didn't care about good shampoo, maybe she didn't have money for it. I sat down again and started with some blush.

"Okay now pull up your face like this." I sucked up my cheeks like a fish. She laughed and copied. The blush made her cheekbones even more doll-like. I grabbed my eye shadow.

"Close your eyes."

I carefully brought a brush to her trembling eyelids. I noticed purple looked good on her. I softly leaned with my pink on her jaw to give myself a steady hand. It somehow felt pleasant. She had a hard time trying to keep her eyes closed. I grinned.

"Hold on, a few more touches. There." I grabbled through my make up to find the right eyeliner.

"Okay, this might feel a little weird. Don't be scared, you can trust me. Now look up." Selena hesitated to obey me while looking scared at the pointy pin. She looked up with a frowning face. I felt her warm breath whiffing into my face. I tried my very best not to touch her eyes, even though her lids quivered allot. I continued above her eyelashes and made a tiny wing. Beautiful. I finished her eyes with the best mascara I have. I overviewed quickly, to check if the purple eye shadow matched her mousy brown eyes. It did.

"Okay last but not least." I grabbed a nude color lipstick and slowly swept it against her dry lips.

"All done!" I gave her a mirror while smiling brightly after pulling out the hair band and making her hair puffy with my fingers. She looked at herself.

"Wow... That's, that's a whole other me!" She studied her look.

"Don't you like it?" I was afraid she didn't.

"I do! I love it! Thank you! It's just; I've never seen myself like this before." She smiled. I was relieved that she could live with it. I wasn't a professional stylist, I had outdone myself pretty well. I cleaned up the mess I made.

"Were you actually this shy as a kid?" I asked while grinning. Selena still looked at herself.

"No. I was a very happy child to be honest, what about you?"

"Well, I'm the youngest of 5 kids, so I was always the innocent one." I laughed. Selena looked up.

"5 kids!? Jee... I only had one little sister. Do they all live in their own home now?" She asked.

I played with my bracelet. "Yeah, Cameron just moved out a few months ago." I answered. "They all moved out in a very short time." The fact saddened me. I was with all my siblings, 2 years ago. One by one, each went their own way. They of course stop by often, but it's not the same at all. I looked at Selena, who listened well. It was so hard to think that she was not like other humans. She attracted darkness. She said the darkness were like persons, shadows. She could speak to them, but they claimed her like a little bird in a cage. Didn't she want to break free for once?

"Are there more creatures.. or legends like you?" I asked. The question took her by surprise. She swallowed while her eyes were stuck on mine. She didn't reply for almost 10 seconds.

"I know everything about myself. But the fact that I keep it a secret for the rest of the world, must answer your question." She spoke heavy words for a situation like this. But what she said was true; she knew none other but her own case. Nobody ever came to her to explain it all. She had to sort it all out by herself. She could never talk about it with someone. God, how horrible must she have felt not to be able to talk about it with her parents.

"I need it, you know." She suddenly spoke.

"Need what?"

"The darkness. I unknowingly attract them for a reason. I need them and they need me."

"How would you possibly need them?"

"They keep me alive. They give me energy. I'm like a Siren to them, literally. Sirens are scared of humans, but they must attract them to eat. Because it's the only thing they CAN eat. I'm scared of them, because they can kill me. But I must attract them to keep me alive, it's a cycle."

"Are they scared of you, too?" She growled.

"They love me, admire me. They are always around me, even now."

I looked around. While I knew, they were watching us right now.

Selena inhaled swiftly and smiled.

"I know something we can do." She happily said. I sat up to step out of the depressive scenery as well.

"We should go... to your favorite place in this whole town. Minus the Aroostook Fitness Center" She laughed. I grinned while thinking. She obviously wanted me to share something with her. It's hard to explain, she wanted to know more about me. She had all the rights. I knew her darkest secret. Ha, get it? But was there a place where I could share my memories with her?

Selena's POV:

She thought about my request and after a while, she knew where to go.

"Grab your motorcycle." She smiled. We ran downstairs and put on our shoes. I grabbed my helmet and thanked Demi's sweet mother for the drinks. I started the motor.

"Here." I held my helmed above her head. She wiped her hair to the right position for me to place my helmet on her head, carefully.

"The chance of you falling is bigger than mine." I smiled. She gamely gave a little punch on my shoulder, I grinned.

"Ladies first." I said. She laughed and I helped her hop on the back seat. I wriggled my leg over the front seat and put my lights on. It was misty outside. I pulled the standard a turned around.

"Where are we heading for?"

"For the forest, that way." She pointed to the left.

"Hold on tight." I expected her to place her hands on my hips or shoulders, but her arms fully wrapped around my waist. I found it a pleasant feeling. She was clearly a bit afraid of my baby, haha. I gave gas and we rode through town. Demi looked down and alternated between de left and the right side.

"Demi, if you keep fluctuating like this we will certainly crash sometime." I said. She immediately stopped. "Sorry." She quickly responded a little inaudible through her helmet. The fact that she was a bit nervous about riding a motor highly amused me. We crossed into the forest.

"Demi, this forest is scary as hell, why do we-" I stopped talking when a painful strange feeling raged through my body. I pulled the breaks and heard an inhale of shock coming from Demi.

"What the hell!?" yelled Demi. I quickly got off and snatched off my jacket. I pulled my sleeves up to check my wrists. But they weren't grey at all. All I saw were the symbols I got from birth.

"Are you okay?" Demi got off the motor and walked towards me. Why did I get that weird feeling? Are they trying to tell me something? I looked around to search for shadows or other signs, but all I saw the forest and the mist.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Demi, are you sure we're at a save place?"

"Of course! I come here all the time. And there's a reason why. I'll show you, we only have to walk like 5 minutes from the paths." Demi determinedly said. I shook my head.

"I usually don't feel stuff like this, Demi. Maybe there's danger out there." I replied.

"Don't you trust me?" She asked. She noticed the flashback that attached to that sentence, we both did. The previous time she said that, things went wrong. Demi venomously tensed her lips for a moment.

"You wanted to know my favorite place in town, so we are going there, or not?" She asked swiftly. I sighed and nodded.

"You're right." I checked my wrists once again. Demi's frowns disappeared.

"Come, follow me." I followed her away from the walking path.


	6. A perfect day

Selena’s POV:

 

I walked behind her like a lapdog. She knew exactly where she was going, she must have seen all the sticks and plants on her way. We walked for 10 minutes without saying anything. We stopped in front of a small lake with a self-made bridge of old planks. The water flowed softly. It was the only sound we heard. The lake, with the singing birds and the wind, blowing through the leaves of the trees.

“It’s behind that hill. Here, let me help you.” She placed a foot on the planks and tapped a few times on the same spot to reassure it wouldn’t break. She got on the other half and helped me. I grabbed her hand and leaned onto it. We slowly walked to the other side, step by step, hand in hand. She jumped onto the hill. It made the planks shake. They slipped on one side and in a reflex of anxiety, I jumped off and almost fell upon her.

“Woah! Are you okay?” She held my upper arms. I nodded and smiled. I looked at the other side of the hill and let go.

“Now I get it.” I said with a teasing tone while looking at an old boxing ball hanging on a branch. Demi laughed and walked down.

“This is where I go every day before school and before church. And sometimes at night when I tell my parents that I’m at Joey’s place, my brother.” She said while panting. She scrabbled inside a hollow tree trunk and took a bandage out of it. Like a rabbit out of a magic hat. It was old and used, many bloodstains were left on it.

“I can’t bring boxing gloves with me and, shit, now that I think about it, I haven’t had time to bring a new bandage.” She looked at the bandage and wiped the dirt away.

“I’m impressed. But it’s not very good for your wounds to keep that bandage in that thing. The wounds can get infected easily.” I said while having my arms crossed.

“Yeah well, I’m not here to be a hundred percent hygienic. Okay, I will make a fire right there. Wanna try to hit the big bear?” She said while walking to a spot on the ground that burned a few times before.  I nodded and walked towards it. Demi looked around for dry branches.

“Just place yourself in the kick box pose and give it this.” She got into the pose and showed it for me.

“Elbow. Fist. Fist. Kick. Knee.” She faced her elbow towards the sack. She hit with the vertical side of her fists, kicked with the bridge of her right foot and at last gave a kick with her knee.

“Try that 20 times.” She said and continued searching. I cracked my knuckles and got in position, elbow in front. I tried slowly. Fist, fist, kick, knee. The sack was softer than I thought. I tried harder and faster. I saw Demi placing the branches together in the corner of my eye. She distracted me from counting. I had to start over, shit. Demi lighted the dead moss she placed on it and blew it to a fire.

“Yep, yep.” She said while sitting down. I laughed.

“What, did you turn into Cinderella’s spontaneous mouse?” I joked while panting. Demi played along and swiftly grabbed her jacket.

“Shit! I think I did! What a bummer. Though, Cinderlly won’t like Jaq being so big.” She laughed and stoked the fire with another stick. I grinned.

“You know your Disney movies.” I concentrated back on the box ball. It tired me, but I wanted to impress Demi.

“You’re doing it wrong, you know?” She said. I stopped and tried to hold the sack still.

“I will explain later. We didn’t come here to break a sweat before training.” She said and tapped the ground beside her a sign for me to come sit next to her. I followed her command and sat down. Only now, I saw the fire gave smirk.

“That’s the saddest fire I’ve seen.” I bended on my knees and replaced some branches. After a minute, the fire became bigger. We could use the warmth of it pretty well. It was 35 degrees outside and I didn’t have time to buy a scarf yet. Demi had one, of course. She packed herself in a big jacket with a scarf and gloves. I only had a hood attached to my jacket.

She smiled and thankfully nodded. She looked at my hands.

“Are specific things like warmth or coldness dangerous for you?” She asked while stretching her legs. I shook my head while biting my nails. I understood the fact she was curious about me. She thought the world was normal, like every human was the same. She wanted to know everything about me. She looked at me warming up my hands. Nevertheless, she gave me her scarf. I smiled at her and wrapped it around my head.

“How… how did you actually find out everything?” She almost didn’t dare to ask.

“Oh, now you sure ask me something.” I laughed and thought.

“I… I always knew I was a different person. I never ate much, because I didn’t need it. That’s how I got so skinny. But it was more than that. I always used to pick flowers, but they died in my hands. My sleep is much different from others, so I always had nightmares. Up until I became 11, I just thought these symptoms were normal. But it became crazy when I started to see faces and shadows around me all the time. I just knew I wasn’t alone. I searched things up in my grandfather’s library. He had the best books. I started reading almost every book in the room. I finally found a book about legends people used to believe in, in the early centuries. I saw a page about Penariks. It said:

_Thee are gutsy hwonne thee are cursed with the malediction of the Penarik. Penariks are those hwa attract se deorcnessa. They shalt speak with se words of doom. These creatures shalt form contact with hwone we witness as shadows, monsters or demons. Likewise se Devil himself. May God be with us. It shalt feed itself with the lust of sé what we fear for. It shalt be formed as the corpse, once it is fully-grown. Its skin will be rough and grey. Its flesh will ne contain any fat of wealth and wellness. Its nightmares will be shared with those who rest near it. Its attraction will cause harm to others. Do not find yourself nearby a Penarik. Thee are warned._

I was scared to death when I read it, I somehow immediately knew I was one of such creatures. And when I became 13, the shadows had already made so much contact with me that they took over my life. I then realized the darkness developed as fast as I did, it grew up with me. They almost possessed me. One day, when I just came back from the best holidays I had ever had, I woke up and found my parents and sister dead. Their wrists were grey, just like mine when I stress out. The blood was... everywhere. I locked myself up in my own house for a year. It taught me how to occur it all, even by night. I considered myself homeless that year, I literally begged for money on the streets. Until some men offered me to help deliver drugs, because I was so young and looked so innocent. I had to take the job to keep myself alive, so I did. I could go to school again, even join high school. When someone discovered my condition, I usually moved. And so now we’re in the present.”

 

Demi’s POV:

 

She must have read the page a thousand times. She knew every single word. The story she told me scared me. I never expected her to have such a traumatizing story. The scariest part was; she still didn’t really know who or what she was. What if the police caught her? The government doesn’t even know she exists, imagine what it would mean for her life.

“Dealing drugs in not ok, Selena.” I said. She smirked of ridiculousness.

“Is that all you can say? Demi I’m barely human. And there is no other way for me to live.”

I felt her pain. I imagined what it would be like to find my parents and siblings dead after a perfect holiday. Selena said the darkness almost took her over.

“Did you kill your parents and sister, or did the shadows take their souls?” I asked quietly.

“I never knew. I still don’t. There’s a chance you’re sitting next to a murderer.” She sighed.

 

Selena’s POV:

 

We rode back into the city and headed off to the Aroostook Fitness Center. Demi took off my helmet and looked at the time.

“We’re late!” She yelled and we ran in. People were already stretching and the coach guided them. I recognized two other people from the try-outs. I was only one of the three who made it, out of 20 people who participated.

“You must have bragged about me, I looked way weaker than the other kids at the try-outs.” I whispered.

“No talking! You’re already late. Go stretch in that corner. Oh and Demi, I understand that you finally have a friend from school here, but I expect a little more from one of my best team members.” The coach yelled. She nodded guiltily and ran to the corner. I followed.

 

After stretching, we had to take a box ball. We tried the same exercise as Demi taught me. They called it ‘the basic kicks’, but it was already tiresome. We had to punch and kick the sac for 20 minutes. I felt weak. I was excessively slow. Demi’s kicks were faster and she punched with much more strength and power. The coach walked by, studying our performances. I kicked faster when he looked at me.

“Selena, hold on for a moment.” He said. I stopped and panted while looking at the man. He was tall, had grey hair and an unshaved chin.

“If you want to impress me by only trying your best if I walk by, you’re completely wrong.” He strictly said. Demi secretly kept an eye on us, but went on, pretending she didn’t listen. I didn’t want to disappoint the coach on my first day.

“I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to divide my energy, yet. I gave too much energy at first, I didn’t know this was so exhausting.” I explained. The coach nodded.

“Take your time in the first few minutes. You will spread your energy the right way, without noticing it.” He said and whistled for us to get together. I quickly checked my wrists. They were remarkably fine. Demi grabbed my upper arms from behind.

“Don’t think, just do it.” She said while panting. I smiled.

“Why didn’t you warn me?”

“I didn’t get warned either in my first days. I can help you train, but I’m not giving you any more tips and tricks. You’ll have to find out yourself.” She said and ran to the group.

She was right. She already winked me a spot in the team. I wouldn’t be fair if Demi kept telling me the handy stuff.

“Okay, ladies. Let’s pair up in two. Let’s practice some defending. I will make a few pairs, because I don’t want any wrong matches. George, I want you to go with Noah and Ruby, you pair up with Selena.” He whistled again.

Ruby’s jaw dropped and looked at Demi. Demi shrug her shoulders and made a pair with another guy.

“But, coach! I always pair up with Demi!” She said shocked. I guiltily bit my lip. The coach raised an eyebrow and continued writing stuff down. Ruby snarled and goggled at him. She walked towards me and smiled fake. Ruby was skinny but had some great female muscles around her arms and shoulders. Her hair was short and she wore a grey loose tank-camisole. She had piercings everywhere, on her eyebrow, a few on her ears, one on her chin and one in her tongue. She was possibly a lesbian, I could tell. I understood why Demi liked her; she was just straight up awesome. Her boyish movements were sassy.

We had to grab some big box gloves and take turns.

“Okay, you can defend first.” She said with a deep voice. I remembered Demi explaining me how to strike a defending pose, so I imitated.

“Okay, is everyone ready? Start easy, end hard.” The coach whistled again. Ruby softly defied by trying to hit my feet, I jumped away from it. I held my hands before my head as she tried to punch it. Like the coach said, she started easy, but she kept punching harder and harder. I wasn’t strong enough to defend myself and she hit me several times. It was hard to keep up on her. She was fast.

“Switch roles!” The coach yelled. Ruby finally stopped with beating me up. It was my turn to confront the tall girl. I gave a quick look at Demi, who tried her very best to hit the boy’s head. I tried the same and immediately aimed for Ruby’s head with all my strength. She didn’t see it coming and got hit. She quickly defended her head as I moved on. I had to be faster. I kicked more often.

Until we all had to stopped. Ruby looked at me, her forehead was wet of sweat. She pulled her gloves off and smiled.

“That was impressive, girl.” She said and waited for me to give a handshake. I smiled back and gave it.

 

We walked home together. Demi was practically scared to death for my cycle, she admitted. We walked slowly, because we didn’t want to leave the beautiful day behind. We joked at each other and laughed. It was amazing. She really made me happy. So this is what it was like to have a good friend. How magical.

“So, since you don’t really have much property, maybe I can help you get some stuff? See it as a welcome in Caribou packet.” She offered.

“I don’t know. Most of the time I can get it after sparing money for it.”

“But, aren’t there any things you just need, but don’t really have to spare for?”

“Uhm, of course. Stuff like batteries, maybe. I can’t find those anywhere. And I need money before I can work for my own.” I replied. Demi bit her lip. She always looked really pretty when she did that.

“I think I can get you some batteries, but I don’t know about the money.” She said. I laughed.

“Really, you don’t need to fix anything for me. I’ve been able to do this for almost 5 years.”

“My mom sometimes wants me to do the grocery shopping. Maybe I can keep a few bucks, instead of giving it back to her. She will never notice.” I was shocked by her suggestion. She wanted to steal from her mother to help me out!?

“No, Demi! That’s stealing! No, I won’t let you.” I laughed.

“We’ll figure out something.” She said determined. I smiled shyly to myself.


	7. Am I in love?

Demi's POV:

**_4th January:_ **

It was 2 AM at midnight while I slowly walked downstairs in my pajamas. I quietly listened with my ear against the door to the living room. My mother was on the phone. Shit. What was she doing here in the middle of the night? With my ear still attached to the door, I waited until my mom finally wanted to walk upstairs. After 5 minutes, she walked to the kitchen. That was good enough for me. I slowly pulled the doorknob. It cracked. I squeezed my eyes while pulling it even more careful. I opened the door and slipped through it. My mom indeed stood in the kitchen, so she didn't see me. I looked around for her purse and found it on the couch. I scrabbled for the wallet and quickly took some bills from it. My heart pounded wildly. My mother hung up the phone. I heard her footsteps coming towards the living room. I quickly put the bills inside the side of my underwear. Great. My mom looked up and almost got scared to death.

"You scared me, honey. What's wrong?" she solicitously said. I rapidly tried to come up with something, but the pressure gave me a blackout. I stuttered sleepy.

"I... I uhm..." I scratched my elbows. I didn't know anything to say.

"Oh, are you sleepwalking again, dear? Come on, let me take you upstairs."

I almost burst out laughing, but corrected myself. It was actually a quite good excuse for me to come downstairs so quietly. I didn't reply and acted the way upstairs again. My mother opened the blankets and I slowly crawled into bed. It was like the old days, when she did it every night. At that time, I was always grumpy, because I was the first to head off to bed. She carefully tucked me in, which I found quite adorable. I pretended to fall asleep. One of my sisters used to sleepwalk allot, so I knew how to make it look real. She left the room. I giggled as quiet as possible and pulled the bills out. I placed them in my nightstand. Good job, Demetria.

**_5th January_ **

"Here." I handed the bills to Selena. She was shocked by the green papers, which were rolled up in my hand. The class was quietly making homework for English. She sat behind me.

"How much is that!?" She almost yelled. I held my finger to my mouth to shush her. Fortunately, nobody looked up, instead of the teacher. I placed the bills in her hands and quickly turned around. I wrote something down in my notebook and held it up. '$200'. She noiselessly whispered.

"What the fuck..." I placed it back down again. I felt the papers on my shoulder. To my surprise, she indicated them back.

"I can't take them. This is too much." She whispered. The bell rang and we packed our stuff.

"It's yours now. Stop complaining. I offered you money, here you have it." We walked out of class. Alice ran to her locker, because she forgot to take our French book. I turned towards Selena, but before I could say or expect anything, she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Thank you. I don't know how you got it, but thank you." She quietly said. I enveloped my arms around her waist as well. Her hugs always felt nice. I felt her warm cheeks against my ear and her chest slowly went up and down against mine. After letting go, I got a text from ruby.

Ruby x: Today's training; replaced from 17:00 to 17:30. I see you this evening with skinnylegs! X Rubber

Rubber was a funny nickname people gave her when her hair stuck in a rubber band once. She cut her hair a month later. Selena has been training here for 2 months now, and she is really getting ahead of it all. She is faster and she finally built little muscles around her arms and shoulders. It's not much, but it is something.

It was Christmas in the previous month, one of my favorite holidays. I always meet with my whole family and we always eat a three-course menu, made by my mother and grandma. I noticed one thing; my uncle, Dante, didn't get invited again this year. He came out of the closet, 4 years ago. Since then, no family member talks to him anymore. It saddened me. My family is the best, but very much homophobic. Uncle Dante moved with his husband to Canada, I've never seen him again. We are quite sexist as well. After dinner, all the boys played outside. The girls, including me, had to clean up the mess we all made. I was used to it. I have been doing that since I was a little kid. But I just don't understand why disunity got invented.

I realized the day after, that Selena didn't have any family to spend with during the holidays. She was alone with Christmas. She must have felt depressed and lonely. I didn't dare to ask, I didn't want to pity her, because she probably hates that. I wanted to invite her for New Year's Eve, but my mother didn't allow it. She, of course, never knew Selena was an orphan. But she wasn't smart either, why else would I want to invite her? She clearly hadn't thought it through. But mother knows best, after all.

Selena's POV:

**_29th November_ **

I rode through the woods with my motorcycle. I knew the town should be somewhere out here. I could feel that the shadows around me hated this place already. They didn't trust all of this. The morning sun shone on my pale skin while I took another turn to the left. And there it was, Caribou. It was way smaller than I expected. The melting snow lightened up all the houses and the steeple of a small church towered above the rest. The world was still asleep, few cars rode through the thin streets. I rode down the hill, crossed past the expensive houses and looked for my new residence. I found it on the other side of the town. It was smaller and more damaged than all my previous houses together. I opened the door and carefully placed my head through the doorpost and looked around. I went inside with my suitcase and dumped my helmet and purse on a dusty old couch. I heard whispers around me.

_This place will tear us apart. We hate you for bringing us here. Sing for us. Sing for us._

I hummed a melody to sedate the voices, while opening my suitcase and taking out my notebook.

Debts:

Gloves $4. Winter Jacket $11,10. Sweater $8,50.

I wrote stuff down on a new page.

Size room downstairs: 17 by 26 ft.

I estimated the size of the room with my own feet. I looked at a page I made a few weeks ago. I delivered drugs 3 times a week to keep myself alive.

Deliver money:

October 3th; + 144,30. +190,50 +76,70

October 10th; +75,20. +228,60. +74,30

October 17th; 114,30. +152,40. +109,10

October 24th; 38,20. + 266.40. +78.00

$ 1580,- in total

\- 450 (for moving to Caribou - $ 380 + moving van - $70) = $ 1070,-

If you think I had a nice amount of money, think again. With all the expense for electricity and water, etcetera, I had no money left. Everything costs money. It scares me. There was no way I could pay back the winter jacket. But I didn't want to be a thief, I really didn't. Plus, I had a big problem. Just moving to Caribou already costs allot, but building up new business of delivering drugs could, in terms of time, cost me months. I had never been this strapped for cash. I bit my lips while writing information down in the notebook. I calculated in my head how much I would have left if I divided the money I now have over 2 months. Minus 90 dollars, per week... I threw the notebook to the wall and covered my face with my hands. I sighed while my eyes filled up with tears. The clock fell from the wall, which scared me to death. I miserably looked around.

"WHAT!? CAN A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD KID NOT BE EXHAUSTED IF SHE HAS TO LIVE ALL ON HER OWN!?" I furiously pounded with my boot on the wooden cracked floor. I suddenly became lightheaded.

_Watch out, weak child. You are warned._

I looked at my wrists. They were highly grey and hoar. I wiped away my tears.

**_7th January, Friday_ **

"Ok. Fine. But watch out, you might have to travel miles with that lame cycle of yours." Hud said and shook my hand. I reacted overly happy and took the bills of money.

"Thank you so much, sir. I can't thank you enough. I have to pay it all on my own you know. I-"

"Save your stories for yourself and get your ass away from me." He said with an intimidating tone. I nodded and walked away from the big muscled man. I could better do what he says while doing business with him; it could cost my head if he gets mad. I walked around the corner and jumped up and down of happiness. My debts could now finally get paid off. I couldn't wait to tell Demi. I wondered how she would respond.

After closing the door of my wrecked house, I pulled out my phone and called her.

_"Helleuw?"_

"Demi, Demi, Demi, I got the job!!!"

_"The job!?"_

"I can finally deliver again and I will get paid again! Hud offered me some orders!"

_"Hud deals drugs?"_

"You know him?"

 _"I know the whole town, silly."_ She grinned.

"But that wasn't the point. Aren't you happy for me?"

_"Of course! Only I don't know if it's the right thing."_

"I understand... Hey, can you hang out today? I am so bored."

_"No, sorry. I'm going grocery shopping with my mom at 14:30."_

"Oh, what a coincidence, me too."

_"Oh sorry, did I say shopping? I meant uh... gardening. You know my dad, haha. Well... See you soon, bye."_

She hung up. I looked wide eyes into noting. I felt a vexing pain in my chest. Was Demi trying to avoid me? She is, by far, the worst liar I have ever met. Why would Demi lie about hanging out with me? We always met up in the weekends. If she just didn't feel like it, she could've honestly told me. But it was going so well with the two of us. We got so close in the previous months. And now it's like that day again, the day she found about my condition. I shouldn't respond to what just happened anyways. Maybe she just had a bad day.

But why would I care anyway? Again, I sounded so desperate for her. Like I needed her to not be lonely. It actually was the truth... She was everything I had, and man, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every second of seeing her face, and I didn't even know why. It was more than I ever felt for somebody. More than Melanie, Gretl, or Amber. Gosh, even more than Mark, my ex. Did I have a crush on Demi?


	8. A hoax or a dream?

Selena's POV:

Since the call with Demi, I've been looking at my feelings, radically. I was lying in my bed and bit my nails. I was trying to make up excuses for myself, there was no way I could be in love with Demi. My excuses were lame. Demi was my very first good female friend, maybe I was just flabbergasted by her sweetness. She is really, and I mean really pretty, but does that mean I therewith like her this way? I have seen her body in many different angles before. And I, basically being a plank, could be impressed by the results of her female development. But it was more than that... I found myself staring at her. Not only her parts, also just her face. Her facial expressions made me swoon, even her angry or sad ones.

_We do not tolerate love. You are ours. Ours._

I laid myself on my back. The shadows were as tired as I was, so no popping in front of my face tonight. I saw them blocking the moonlight and crawling on the ceiling while being disappointed in my feelings.

"You can't claim me." I whispered.

_You can't love a female!_

"I thought you felt more satisfaction when I committed biblical sins."

_We will get easily jealous of girls your age. Especially if you LOVE one.  
_

The word 'love' echoed through the room. I turned around and threw my pillow over my head. I know it wouldn't work. The shadows speaking to me was like having earplugs in, every second of the day. I repeated the words in my head, 'I'm not in love with her, not in love with her,' until I finally fell asleep after a long night.

Demi's POV:

**_10th January_ **

"Selena!" I yelled for the third time. She finally looked up. I grinned and went on eating my sandwich.

"Where are you with your head today, honey?" I asked with a teasing tone. She laughed shyly.

"Sorry. The shadows just really hate me right now." She replied. Two months ago, this would be the weirdest thing I had ever heard.

"Why?" I asked while scanning through my history book.

"To be honest, they're highly jealous of you." She said and laughed. I looked up with a surprised face.

"Jealous of ME?"

"Yeah. They hate it that you are with me all the time. You're like family to me now. And you know what happened to my family, so." She carried on studying too. What she said felt like a threat, but she somehow formulated it as if it was a joke. Could the shadows kill me as well? Maybe they hated me for ditching her off, previous Friday. As if she hadn't noticed yet. We already had discussed the situation this morning. She could luckily forgive me, but the darkness flying around her? I don't know. Selena had to deal allot with her condition lately. She didn't sleep well and she daydreamed very often.

Suddenly, Sophia walked by. She put a hand on my back while she bended over to look at me. She made kissing faces, hysterically laughed with her friends and walked further. I felt something light hanging on my back.

"She pasted something on my back." I said frustrated while I tried to pull it off. Selena immediately got up to help me. She pulled it off and read what the paper said. Her eyes widened and she swiftly folded it to throw it away.

"Wait, what does it say?" I asked. She threw it into the trashcan before I could take it from her.

"What the hell!?" I shouted pissed. The bell rang. Selena looked suspicious at me and quickly packed her bags.

"I see you after this class!" She yelled. That was rude. I looked at the trashcan with a dilemma. Leave it and not knowing what the paper said or humiliate myself and know what Sophia had to say this time? Selena was obviously shocked. I awkwardly looked around if people could see me. When nobody was watching, I indeed shove my arm in the can. I looked for the folded piece of paper and quickly took it out. Lucky me, it wasn't dirty. I opened it and read the big letters. 'VICTIM OF THE LESBIAN COUPLE'. Lesbian couple, couple as in Selena and me? I ripped the paper in a thousand pieces and threw it back into the can. Sophia always came up with the most stupid ideas. Selena and I were just friends. We thought about each other the same way, right? And Alice has been sick allot because she has a certain illness. But Selena acted so suspicious... Did she tell people stuff I didn't know about? She has been with David during classes that I didn't have with her. They laughed allot and I even heard my name at some points. David tells every secret to the wrong people. Did Selena lie about us, or something? Why would she tell people that we are a couple!? My mom was going to kill me if she found out. She wouldn't believe I have nothing to do with it.

I clenched my fists while walking to class. That bitch.

I tried to avoid the dumbass for the rest of the day. It was hard to turn my back on her when she happily waved at me to go talk with her. It was very, very hard, especially because she was so happy to see me. I loved to make her happy. In fact, I could even fall for people that I can cheer up like this. I made her life so much better. But I couldn't stand the fact that I had such big influence on her life. Heck. Maybe even influence in the context of love. I didn't want her to be so dependent on me.

I decided to text her after school to talk about what happened. I was angry of course, but after thinking for a long time, I found out I didn't want to lose her either. She was a part of my life too. She helped me to learn that I should be happy with what I have.

And you know, it wasn't the fact that Selena might like me. It was particularly the fact that people now think we are a couple. My family chose to live in this town for a reason. People are highly homophobic here. Being gay is biblically a sin. I was scared I would commit sins if thought a little deeper about my interest in her.

DemiD92: Hey.

SuperSellyG: ..hey.

DemiD92: Surprised?

SuperSellyG: tbh yes  
  
DemiD92: it's just, I feel like you've been hiding stuff

SuperSellyG: hiding what?

DemiD92: Hiding the things you say to people, about us.

SuperSellyG: Wait I don't get it. what are you talking about?

DemiD92: I think you lie about stuff that are completely untrue

SuperSellyG: wait, is this about the hoax of us having a thing going on?

DemiD92: Yeah

SuperSellyG: Demi, I never told anything

DemiD92: Than how do people get ideas like this!?

SuperSellyG: idk. Puberty.

DemiD92: This isn't funny! You have been lying to people about ME! About us! Jee I hate you for doing something like this!!

SuperSellyG: Demi seriously I didn't do anything

DemiD92: go tell david then

SuperSellyG: What does david have to do with this!?

DemiD92: Uhm, maybe that he tells everyone's secrets to Sophia and her bitches!?

SuperSellyG: You know what, fine! If you really think I am this lame to tell people shit like this, than fine, go think that on your own.

DemiD92: Maybe I have to, because you can tell david you're speaking the truth all the time and that I am the lesbian POT of this school!

SuperSellyG: Well then maybe I should!

DemiD92: Thank you for admitting.

SuperSellyG: GO HANG YOURSELF IN THE WOODS INSTEAD OF THAT DIRTY BOXBALL OF YOURS

_SupperSellyG has blocked you. You can't send messages to people who have blocked you. Try again later._

Ouch.

Selena's POV:

I threw that piece of paper away to prevent Demi from getting hurt. I freaked out when I saw the word 'lesbian' on it. I have thought about the fact of having a crush on the girl who just completely blackguarded me, but not about the fact of being a lesbian. I mean think about it. Coming out in a highly homophobic town. What if that is really going to happen? But now, people already misdoubted us. We are considered 'lesbian' already. I was scared of how cruel it could get. And I felt very sorry for Demi. She never wanted this. It is a fear in everybody's back of his or her mind, in this whole town. But now that Demi and I are having a fight, maybe it was only for the best. Maybe this hoax, but also a small dream coming true, could fade away.


	9. Totally one hundred percent in love

Demi's POV:

**_11th January_ **

_I am that I am._ The words were true. People are that they are, but only a few people know who a person really is. I guarantee, if I 'knew' Sophia, I would have liked her. The chance of hating people when you know then well is very small. Because in the end, every person is just a human being. Even Selena.

I couldn't sleep last night. I didn't sleep a wink. I missed her as a friend. I couldn't even think about her name without freaking out. All I could think about was how she must have felt and if she really thinks of me this way. And if she did, would I like it?

"Is it true? Do you and Selena have a thing?" Alice walked up to me. I turned around. Finally, someone I could talk to.

"Alice, thank god you're here." I hugged her with the fullest relief, but she pushed me away. She looked angry and hurt at me.

"I fucking asked you something, butch." I was surprised by how many people already knew about the hoax.

"Alice, I swear, nothing ever happened. Selena said wrong things and I totally ditched her off." I hurt to say that. Alice sighed and shook her head.

"I can't walk around with a clitty-licker." She turned around and walked away. I yelled after her, but she ignored me.

The teacher slammed with her book on my table. I lifted my head with the speed of a rocket and looked around with a sleepy face.

"Miss Lovato, being in class is for learning, not sleeping! You're not here to flush your knowledge down the toilet, I want to prepare you for the grown-up life!" She said. I hadn't even realized I slumbered away after placing my heavy head on my arms. The teenagers around me started grinning. Selena just looked surprised at me. Alice ignored it all. I sat up and pulled my jacket straight.

"Don't worry about it, miss. Dykes don't get a rational mature life anyways." Vanessa said and the class laughed again. Oh no, I thought to myself. If someone was homophobic here, it was definitely Miss Harper. She looked at me with her eyebrows raised.

"I do not tolerate pots in my class." She said. I immediately defended myself.

"Miss, I never practiced any gay activities. I don't think I'm gay." I truthfully spoke. She didn't buy it.

"She did! With Selena!" Sophia yelled. The class started cheering and clapping. Vanessa and Sophia even pretended to wildly kiss each other. Miss Harper swayed her arms to calm the class down. She looked furious at Selena and me.

"Out of my class. Now." My jaw dropped.

"But-" I Selena started.

"I said out of my class!!!" She shouted. I furiously got up and walked away. Selena confusingly walked behind me. She wanted to head off to her locker but I stopped her out of madness.

Selena's POV:

She harshly grabbed my shoulder to stop me. She thought it was my entire fault, of course. It felt like it was, because I absolutely loved the woman standing in front of me. I had to shake it off. She visibly hated me.

"Do you see what you have done!? Alice stopped talking to me and now we are getting kicked out of classes! You haven't even thought this through. You're so dumb for thinking this could work out. You're just a full lesbian BITCH!" She yelled. Her words strangled me. I clenched my fists of anger.

_Hit her. Keep our pride. You're not hers._

The shadows furiously ran around me. They almost pushed me forwards to give her a punch in her face. But I was better than that. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

The bell rang and I ignored what she said to me by turning around to my locker. People walked out of the classrooms. The shadows were too furious to handle all of this. They slammed against the lockers and gave screams sounding like lawnmowers. I wanted to cover my ears, but I didn't. Demi didn't move a single inch and still directly looked at me. I felt her anger coming from behind.

"I knew I should have let you die and rot behind that shop." She added. That last straw broke the camel's back. I turned around and my fists reached for her head. With all the power of the shadows around me and of the anger inside me, with the whole past of darkness and fears, I fully smote into her face. She recoiled and placed her hand on her aching jaw. Her eyes widened when she realized what just happened, I did too. I just hit Demi. She looked pained at me, but that face turned infuriating within seconds. She grabbed my shoulders and wildly pushed me against the lockers. A shock of pain went through my body. People started yelling and made space around us. Demi wanted to hit me in the face but I stopped her arm and twisted it. She yelled of pain and pulled my hair to stop me from almost breaking her arm. I let go and she hit me in the face this time. I grabbed her shoulders to throw her on the ground, but she grabbed mine as well. Just like when we had to wrestle, when we saw each other for the first time. She then surpassed my strength and pulled me in a in a hold. This time it went no further than the pushing. We were finally both as strong. A teacher ripped us apart and prevented us from hitting each other again by standing between us.

"So can one of you please tell why you two are making this school unsafe for its pupils?" The principal said disappointed. We sat on a chair, next to each other. It was excessively much for me. I was sitting next to my crush who hated me for telling a lie I never told, because we both just fought in the hallway. Tears rolled down my cheek, but Demi was strong. So strong, that even now she could remain calm. I couldn't. The principal looked at the computer screen. Maybe he wanted to check my identity. I could get sued if he found out I wasn't legally here.

"You know what. I don't even want to hear about your teenage drama. You should be responsible enough to know that we cannot tolerate this at all. You two are both suspended for a week." He wrote stuff on his papers. Demi was shocked by the surprise.

"No! My father is going to kill me! Please register me for detention or something, but don't suspend me!" She begged. My heart started to beat faster and faster. She got in trouble because I hit her first.

_Let her suffer in her punishment. You are not hers. She hates you. We hate her._

The shadows were still angry at Demi. I swallowed while listening to the aching words they said. Their faces popped before my face. I saw flashes everywhere. I felt the blood abduct from my face. And I felt something I never felt before; I tasted blood in my mouth and smelled something dead. The principal looked a few documents as an attempt to lower her punishment. He knew her parents, small town. Demi knew I wasn't okay. She saw me breathing heavily and replacing myself on the chair the whole time. She gave me a concerned face, but then ignored it. I couldn't handle the faces anymore and covered my head with my hands.

"Miss Gomez, are you okay?" The man said. I cried it out.

"NO! NO!" I screamed. I got up and ran out of the office. Demi got up of concern, but I was already gone.

I ran through town while crying. The shadows still followed me and there was no way to be alone. They popped in front of my face again. It was exactly like when they almost took over my life before I killed my family. Everything went so fast. My wrists were cold and dirty grey, but I knew they wouldn't pull my soul this time. They would possess and use me if they had the chance. I yelled my anchor while trying to restrain them again.

" _I don't live in my fears. I just swallow my tears. It ain't all in my head. Life is just a nightmare I don't care if you care. I just know it ain't fair. Ain't no time to prepare. Life is just a nightmare._ " I repeated the riddle to keep myself together.

I had to hide from them. I needed to do something. The thoughts of death already popped up in my head. What else did I have to live for? I was one hundred percent alone. I need to get to a place without darkness, without shadows. I ran to a building, I looked around and ran to the stairs. I ended on top of the building. The sunlight burned my skin, but the shadows didn't suffer from the warmth or light. I ran around like a freak while screaming for them to go away. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. They fully blocked my vision and hearing. I needed to make an end of it all. It needed to stop. I ran to the edge and jumped on it. At that moment the shadows stopped, finally. The vision around me faded back. I panted wildly while making noises of full desperation and fatigue. I looked at the ground while the tears rolled down my face. I imagined myself on the ground with the blood coming from my broken bones. The people standing around a dead me. Demi's reaction. Good. I let one leg dangle in the area without ground.

_Don't jump. We need you. You are ours._

They made me furious. I was going to do it. I was going to fall. I lifted my heel. There was no way back, because I lost balance.

The arms of an angel grabbed my arms and lifted me up. I never touched the ground. I fell to the side before lifting up to heaven.

I opened my eyes and fell on the roof of the building. The full weight of a woman's body fell upon me. It was Demi. She got off me and cried. The shadows didn't say anything. I didn't see them. I sat up while screamingly crying. I didn't care about how I looked. I looked at the woman I still had feelings for.

Demi's POV:

I ran after her but could barely keep up. I saw her freaking out on her way to a building. She ran up and I ran still ran after her. She stopped on the roof of the building. She screamed like a demon.

"Selena! Selena!" I yelled. She didn't notice me standing there. She still yelled and suddenly ran to the edge of the ceiling and jumped on top of it. A shock went through my body. Was she going to jump!?

"No! Selena stop! I'm sorry!" I yelled while running towards her." She looked at the ground underneath her feet and dangled one leg around. I ran faster and faster. I then realized. I was totally one hundred percent in love with Selena. Because when I imagined her being dead, I would die with her. I wanted to console her and make her happy in other ways than before. I wanted her. I wanted her face, her body, her lips. I wanted her, no matter what people thought about it. No matter if my mother would ban me from my family. I was so tired to tell myself lies. I had been blocking my feelings all along.

"No!! Stop!!! STOP!!!" When I saw her lifting her other foot, all I could do was dive to catch her. I fell on her and quickly crawled back to make sure she was okay. She sat up with the scariest desperate face I had ever seen.

Selena's POV:  


"WHY DID YOU STOP ME!? WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE!?" I screamed at her while panting. She got closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. I hugged back immediately. I still yelled at her.

"Go away! Get away from me!" I knew the phrases didn't make sense. If she would even think about leaving, I would hold her like a young child pulling her mother's leg. I was so angry, so scared. I felt Demi's chest shaking irregularly. She cried with me. She felt everything I went through. She held me for more than 5 minutes to let me calm down. Until she pulled away, it was as if I saw her face for the first time. I stopped screaming and only cried softly. Demi placed a hand underneath my jaw and wiped my hair away with the other. I couldn't stand the fact that she only cared when I wanted to die.

"Stop." I said. "You hate me."

"What? I don't hate you, honey." She said while smiling through her tears.

"Yes you do. You hate me for the fact that I have feelings for you. You are scared of me because people do stuff like this to you. You are scared of my shadows because they're so jealous of you. You are-"

 I wanted to finish what I had to say. But all of the sudden Demi grabbed my jaws. She leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. We kissed. We kissed for real. It was as if the world brightened up. Like my shadows were completely gone. Her soft lips made me swoon. Her warm hands made my cheeks glow red. My heart pounded wildly and I knew hers, kind and beautiful, did too. She carefully let go and looked at me. Her eyes looked straight into mine, surprised. So was I. She slowly lowered hands and smiled.

"You shouldn't say what I feel, because you don't know anything at all. I feel love. Love for you. I love you, Selena." She said and she grabbed my hands. She caressed with her soft thumb over the back of my hand while waiting for my reply. I was still surprised by what just happened. She loved me.

"I love you too." I said to her.


	10. Paralyzed

Demi's POV:

We walked home together. And we were finally happily in love with each other. I sound stupid right now, but it was true. Selena still felt a little down of course. But her suicidal thoughts quickly faded away when she didn't get strangled by her shadows anymore and when she heard we could finally share our love. I wanted to hug her for the rest of the day, to make her happy again. But I couldn't, of course. We had to move on. I didn't want to leave her today. I didn't want to lose her hand in mine, and I didn't want to lose her beautiful eyes looking at me. I wanted to ask my mom if Selena could sleep over at my house. The principal postponed our punishment, because Selena's health was more important. We probably were still suspended, that fear still raged in the back of my head. But I didn't care.

We walked to my house and opened the door. Nobody was home. Good.

"Have a seat, honey." She sat down and I quickly grabbed a glass of water for her. I handed it and sat down next to her. Her eyes were still puffy and red. Her hair was still messy. She took a sip from the glass and sniffed.

"Do they still hurt you right now?" I asked with a concerned tone. She shook her head and swallowed.

"They show respect and understanding in times like these. They were probably shocked when I jumped on the edge of the roof. They don't want to take me over, you know. But sometimes they just can't control their selves." She answered. I hesitated to ask further.

"What is it like to be taken over? Would I notice?" She smirked.

"Of course you would. And I don't know how it feels, but I have read about it. They say that when Penariks are fully-grown they turn into corpses. Only if the darkness wants them to be, of course. They're not dead, but their mind is blank and they only do what the darkness enjoys most about them. But that case only happens when their parents are normal humans, mine are." She explained. "I don't know what it's like to have a blank mind. But the thought scares me. I'm almost 18 and I don't know what my shadows want." I looked down while she explained her fears. It was actually terrifying. I grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes.

"I will do my very best not to let that happen." I said to her. I slowly kissed her warm cheek and got up.

"Come. Take a good shower here." I offered her. We walked upstairs and I plopped on my bed.

"It's actually weird. I haven't seen or heard from them since the spot of bother on the ceiling." She said while frowning. But before I could respond, the phone rang. I sighed.

"Hop into the shower, you can use my shampoo." I swiftly said while walking to my parent's room. I grabbed the phone.

"Hello?" I heard the shower going on.

_"Hello misses Lovato. Principal Clinton speaking. I'm calling you to inform you and Selena about your suspension. Is everything alright with her?"_

"Yes, we made peace and everything is alright now."

_"That's good to hear. I have searched through your documents, but I have no good reason not to give you suspension. My apologies for that. You two are suspended for only a week. And after that, you two have to make extra imposition. I will see you next week."_

"Okay. Bye." I hung up and sighed. I bit my lip when I realized I had to tell her the news. I walked into my room to close the curtains. The depressing rain didn't really brighten my day. I grabbed my phone and texted my mother. If she wouldn't get informed right away, she would kill me even harder. If that's even possible.

  
_You: I'm suspended... I will talk to you about it when you get home. Please don't ground me. It was a mistake. x Dems_

  
I waited for Selena to finish showering. After she shut the shower off again I walked to the door.

"Honey?" I began.

"Yeah?"

"We're suspended for a week..." She opened the door ajar and placed her head through it. Her wet hair dripped on the white carpet.

"You're parents are going to kill you." She said with her eyes widened. I laughed.

"That's exactly what I thought. Maybe we shouldn't be home when she arrives. Shall we go to my place in the woods?" I asked. She nodded, smiled and closed the door again.

We walked towards school to pick up Selena's motorcycle. Lucky me I went to school by bus this morning. I tried to distract her from thinking sad thoughts, because I knew she was sensitive for it at that moment. I told her stories about the vacations me and my family always went to. She, which took me by surprise, happily told about hers as well. Her memories with her parents and little sister were great.

We finally arrived at school. Now I had to hop on the back seat of that cruel thing again. I kept my hands to myself on the schoolyard. People already hated us for being together, even if we wouldn't be. I didn't want to confirm the rumor yet. The pupils who knew what happened this morning stared at us while Selena took her helmet from her locker. She ran back to me and gave it.

"You need it more than I do." She said for the second time.

"Do I see a déjà vu here?" I laughed as she hopped on the front seat. Okay Demetria, don't be such a pussy this time and just place your hands on her shoulders. Selena looked at me one last time and started the motor. I swiftly placed my hand on her shoulders from below her arms and grabbed her tied. Yep, I was a pussy. I heard a grin coming from Selena as she gave gas.

Selena's POV:

We rode back into the woods and I parked my cycle at the side of the small gravel road. It was as if we were only friends again. The whole way towards the box ball wasn't very romantic. But we both knew we were heading off to something different than usual.

We sat down on the big hollow tree. It was wet and cold, but we didn't care. I sighed. Everything went so well, but the whole way towards our place felt like before. Like something was about to happen, an accident or something. But I ignored it. It went well the last time, right?

Demi looked me in the eyes.

"I'm so happy I don't have to lie to myself anymore." She said. I smiled. How was it possible that a woman like this would love me? I looked at how she viewed every single part of my face and my body. She scanned my legs, my arms. And she liked it. Her satisfied eyes went back to my face. She looked at my hair, my cheeks, my eyes, my lips...

"Can I.." She didn't finish her sentence. I knew what she wanted. She wanted that bombastic moment again. The moment we kissed. I slowly leaned in and she followed. I was too shy to go any further. Until she took the lead and pressed her lips against mine.

Demi's POV:

She looked down and closed her eyes. The kiss on the roof was actually my first. I was too ashamed to tell her. She must have kissed more often than I. She had told me about her ex boyfriend. Selena felt that I stressed about my thoughts. She placed her hands in my neck to relax me, and it worked. I grinned, but awkwardly held my hands to myself. She took her hands away and wanted to grab mine, but suddenly she stopped. And she pulled away. I widened my eyes. Didn't she like it?

"What's wrong?" I concernedly asked. She looked down and swiftly grabbed my hand.

"Are you okay?" I didn't know what to do. She breathed heavily, until she looked up again.

"They're back." She said. She gave a small gasp as her eyes filled up with tears.

"Come here, you'll be okay."

Selena's POV:

The shadows slowly made the woods around me darker. They whispered softly and inaudible. They were weak, like they just got beaten up by someone. Was it Demi? The strange dark feeling was more painful, now that they were gone for a while. I didn't know why I cried. Their sadness got reflected in me. The whispers became louder and louder. I saw Demi saying something in the corner of my eyes, but I couldn't hear her. She pulled me towards her. I rested my head on her shoulder. I looked at our shadows, engraved on a tree. She kissed my forehead. The darkness strangled me with their anger again. They crawled on the same tree. I suddenly saw them cutting of the head of Demi's shadow. I looked up at her of shock. She was fine. Her lips told me: 'Is something wrong with me?' I got up and pulled her arms. We needed to get out of here. I ran back while pulling her arm. Until, the whispers stopped.

"Where are we going, Selena!?" I heard behind me. I could finally hear her again.

"They, they hate you. They warned us, we need to get away from here." I said quietly. Demi looked scared around her. Which is how I noticed the sun was gone. It was night. We could only see the trees and branches up until 10 feet. Demi grabbed my arm of fright. She maybe thought I knew what was going on, but I didn't.

And suddenly, out of nothing, five creatures walked towards us. They came out of the darkness. They barely looked human, but they didn't look dead. I could feel them, and I knew: Those creatures were my shadows, in human form. They were the darkness, those creatures that fed itself with the lust and attraction towards me. Those monsters who kept me alive since my first day on earth. I had never witnessed them with my bare eyes. I inhaled fast.

 _"We warned you. We are here to take away the obstacle that is standing next to that what is ours_." One of them spoke. Demi widened her eyes. She saw them too. She finally got to meet them. Their angry sentence was a threat and she knew what they meant. I stepped in front of her.

"I'm not your ownership. Don't even dare to touch her." I said determined. They laughed with an awful sound, as if they smoked 3 packs a day.

 _"We won't touch her."_ They said quickly and ran towards me. I screamed while the creatures vanished into dust again and popped in front of my face. They flashed in front of me and hurt me as if they stabbed me a several times. Their screams resounded louder in my head than ever. I collapsed on my knees, hoping it could possibly stop. It did. The screams echoed into nothing and the faces faded away. I looked up while gasping for air. Demi was gone. I looked around. The darkness faded away softly and the red sun was visible again.

"Demi!? Demi!!" I yelled. I heard her heavily couching behind a tree. I ran to her and couldn't believe what I saw.

_The roots will kill her. Sense by sense. She has been blinded. She cannot move. Do not play with us again._

She lied paralyzed on the ground. And indeed, roots. They were twisted around her, visibly tight.

"Demi, can you hear me?" I asked.

Demi's POV:

_"We won't touch her."_ They said quickly and ran towards Selena. She screamed. But before I could get to her, I flashed away. It felt like I got teleported. I fell on my knees when my feet reached the ground again. Some big heavy roots wrapped around my waist. I fell on the wet ground and my sight disappeared. I only heard Selena screaming in the background and I tried to get lose to help her. I yelled while the roots twisted around my throat and arms as if cops were holding me. I looked around me but all I saw was full darkness. And at some point, my whole body got numbed. I couldn't move. I felt the poison of the roots revoking in my skin. The only thing that moved was my chest, of gasping and panting. Their strength squeezed me like a grape. I coughed to find air.

"Demi, can you hear me?" Selena concernedly said. I wanted to respond, but I couldn't even move my lips or make the slightest sound. A tear tickled around my jaw. My eyelids became heavy. The noises around me faded away. I became deaf. All I could do was breath. Selena tried to cut the roots. My body screamed to move, to yell of pain.

Selena's POV:

The roots finally loosened. I pulled them off and grabbed Demi's jaws, full of mud. Her warm tears reached my hands, which is how I knew she was still awake. Her eyes were half-open, but it was as if she looked straight through me. Her mouth had formed the smallest opening, whereby she tried to let the air come in and out as much as possible. She probably couldn't hear me, and if she did, she still couldn't respond. With that thought, I burst out crying.

"I'm so sorry." I cried while lifting her wet upper body to let it rest against my chest. Her head lied near my neck, her eyes still half-open. I grabbed her left hand while holding her as my tears fell upon her chest.

"This shouldn't have happened. It's my fault. Please, please come back to me." I whispered. I felt like my apology still wasn't enough, even though she couldn't hear me. I was devastated to see her like this. I kissed her cheek.

"I love you. Please don't leave me. I love you so much." I said. The sun set after a long day. I kissed her face once more and stared at the blind eyes. Her heavy head hung over my arm. Her tears kept running down. And to my surprise, a wonder happened. Her right hand slowly tensioned around my leg. I raised my eyebrows as I looked for any more responds. But she only closed her eyes, and her breath diminished. She slept in my arms while she tried her very best to recover from my fault.


	11. Fast Forever Farewell

Demi's POV:

**_  
12th January_ **

I opened my eyes as my vision regained to me. I still lied in Selena arms. I saw her face looking at me and smiling. I heard birds singing, I heard myself breathing again. I opened my mouth and tried to speak again.

"H-have we been here all night?" I asked. She nodded. I tried to lift my head, I could finally tell my body what to do again. A big headache darted to me. I had never felt this nerveless before. I slowly got up while Selena tried to help me. I finally stood on both legs again. She looked at me, checking if I was fully okay. She swiftly hugged my tight. I felt her apprehension in her breath and grip. She was so scared to lose me.

"I'm so sorry. I can't explain how guilty I feel. They warned you to stay away from me. They paralyzed you and took all your senses away. You could've been dead. Do you have any idea how scary it was to see you that pale and-". I placed my hand on the back of her head to stop her.

"Sshtt..." I began while I felt my eyes filling up with tears again. "None of this is your fault." Only now, I realized what actually happened. Her shadows were the ones who did this to me. Selena was right, I really could've been dead. But they didn't directly kill me. Why didn't they?

I sat down on the single chair of Selena's cold room. Selena fell on her mattress and covered her eyes with her arms. She didn't have any sleep this night, because she didn't want me to get a cold on the wet ground. She cared so much for me. I lied in her arms all night while she tried to keep me warm and reassure I was alive.

"You can sleep if you want, I can amuse myself here." I offered. She inhaled deep.

"No, I can't sleep now, you'll get bored." She mumbled. I looked around her room. She had one small closet for her clothes and a bookshelf. There were no wallpapers on her walls and the paint deducted. It was cold inside her house. Her heating was barely functioning. I rubbed over my arms while seeing the sun coming up through the damaged planks boarded up the window. It was very early. I looked back at Selena. She had totally departed. I chuckled. She couldn't say no to sleep. She wasn't a vampire. I got up to take a look at her books. They were very dusty. I took one and opened it: Beauty and The Beast. I smiled while glancing through the pages. I saw doodles and notes written next to the beautiful drawings. I recognized Selena's handwriting. 'Favorite dress' 'you can see his paws transforming into human hands'. I opened another book: Baking & Cooking. Informative stuff was written along the side this time. '3 inch, not 2!' 'Use lemon sugar!'. She really used the cookbook. She, of course, must have taught herself everything about cooking. Clever girl. I scanned the titles of the other books and stiffened when I read the last one, Legends and Myths. I looked over at Selena for one last time before pulling it out of the shelf. A sticky note was hanging out of one page. I opened it to that page and I indeed saw what I expected. The page about the Penariks. The drawing on the side scared me. A creature was bending his chest towards a big light. It was bended too far for a normal human to reach without falling. Its ribs almost jut out of his skin. His face was very skinny and big black bags located under its eyes. You could see in his eyes that his mind was fully blank. His arms were wrapped around each other in a way that isn't possible. Many black shadows were twisting around him. He did what the shadows wanted him to do.

I read the lines on the left page. They were exactly the same as Selena told. And I noticed something memorable. The whole book was filled with notes and doodles, but not on this page. Maybe she avoided it, or she maybe didn't want to make the page dirty with scrabbles. The book was old. Everything was written by hand. I looked at the bottommost lines.

_Its attraction will cause harm to others. Do not find yourself nearby a Penarik. Thee are warned._

The lines contained stains of water. The water had anticipated the ink into a smear. The stains were made of tears. Tears made of pain and despair. I looked up at Selena while imagining her crying above the book. It pained me. Is this the only source she could ever find about herself? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and searched it on Google. After searching for ten minutes, I finally found a page.

Penariks are old Indonesian legends. They attract the darkness. They get tied up with their own shadows from the day of birth. The shadows feed their Penarik. A Penarik feeds its shadows. Parents of children used the creatures in the stories to scare them; if you didn't listen well, you could become one. For many centuries, men said that some have seen the creatures in the depth of the night. People have searched them, and one person has written a book about it. A diary, by a man named Charles Tunals.

_I saw the young man walking into the cave. I tried to hide as much as possible. Beneath me were the Penariks dancing around like apes. To my surprise, they had formed a flock. They danced on different levels on the ground, while I was located on the highest. Nobody could see me. The Penariks bended their arms and backs in painful ways, it was their way of dancing and permitting their Bayagans to enjoy them. The man knew where he was going. He walked into the crowd as his skin turned grey. He looked like some sort of zombie. The Penariks welcomed him with pleasure. I had to leave from there, because I almost dropped my camera, the Penariks almost noticed me._

I widened my eyes when I read the word 'flock'. There are, or there were, more Penariks in the world. I looked at my watch as I noticed I had been searching for more than two hours. Selena still lied passed out on the old mattress, sleeping like a rose. Her skin looked paler than usually. I didn't really dare to wake her up, but I just found out something about her. It was worth it. I walked over to her and carefully shook her shoulder. She opened her eyes immediately.

Selena's POV:

I heard my name and woke up. I sat straight in a flash and rubbed my eyes.

"Ugh, how long did I sleep?" I moped. Demi chuckled as she sat next to me and kissed my temple.

"Only two hours." I sighed. Demi kneeled up to grab something from the chair. She handed the book to me. I looked wide-eyed at her. I didn't know what to say. She read it, I was sure of it. I took it with both of my hands. My jaws were glued together. My breakdown was over and I had to stay strong again. And fortunately, finally with help. I wanted to shed a thousand of tears and be with her for the rest of my life. I wanted to hug her, kiss her, and touch her. I wanted so many things, but I had no words to say. Not one fucking word. We stared at each other while time got forgotten. Her caring eyes made me tranquil. She looked at my neck. Her hand reached for it and she caressed with her fingertips against my jutting collarbones. She looked back at me as her hand carried off to the side of my neck.

"You are more than this lonely page tells you." She said. She kept her eyes on me a she took her phone out of her pocket.

"I have found things out about Penariks. But I have a feeling you are more than they described. They say that Penariks under the age of eighteen have social problems and people often consider them crazy. But look at you, you're nothing like that." She said while holding up a page about my species. I read it.

"There are more people like me?" I asked. She tensed her lips and shrugged her shoulders.

"There could be, but maybe you're one of kind. That diary is from the 17th century." She explained. I gave the phone back and got up. She still sat on my mattress with a prone back.

"What do you think will happen when I meet other Penariks?" I said. I grabbed for a shirt in my closet.

"You can apparently choose to join a flock, but I don't know what happens if you meet just one." She said. I pulled my shirt off.

"Ah shit. My earring is stuck in my shirt." I swore. Demi laughed as she got up to help me. She carefully pulled the collar over my head and took a look at my earring.

"Don't rip it off. Ow, ow, ow, ow." I said fast while she swiftly pulled.

"Careful!"

"Your hair is stuck in it. Hold still." She commanded. She awkwardly wringed my damaged hair and the thread from my ear. I laughed when I realized how ridiculous we looked. She smiled wide, finally pulled the thread off my shirt and replaced my hair. I looked into her eyes.

"I don't want to find things out about myself right now. I will turn 18 in two days, so it doesn't matter anyways, we didn't get time to be happy together yet." I said. Demi briefly looked down, visibly aggrieved. I ignored it to keep the mood happy and turned around to grab another shirt.

"Yeah, wasn't easy, because my senses kind of got numbed last night and uh.." She teasingly said.

"Stop." I grinned as I gave a small punch to her shoulder. She laughed. She turned around to the mirror and fixed her hair. It was still messy from the mud and the cold hard ground from last night. I stood behind her.

"I want to cut my hair, you know." She said while pulling up it up and folding it. I imagined her with her hair as short as she folded it.

"And maybe give it another color."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Black maybe, or purple locks." She said. I stepped closer to her and placed my arms around her. She wrapped her hands over mine and moved her face closer to my head while still looking at herself in the mirror.

"I think I'd look good." I said. We both thought about the same things. About everything we risked to be together. Demi shall be banished from her family if anyone finds out about us. And our relationship probably wouldn't even last long, since my birthday was in two days. It was like dying, I could already see myself with a blank mind. I didn't want to die, now that I was with her. My shadows would finally get what they always wanted, at last. They never spoke with me about it, which I found quite memorable.

"Am I going to lose you?" She whispered. Her eyes pointed at me through the mirror. I was shocked, I hadn't even thought about the fact that Demi was going to be alone again. Why did we ever give this relationship a try if it could only last for 3 days? She would mourn about me. She would indeed lose me.

I wanted to explain that it depended on my shadows, but suddenly her phone rang. I loosened and she quickly picked up.

"Mom?" She began. She squeezed her eyes as if she was expecting a scream coming from the speaker.

"I'm at Selena's place." "For a week." "Because Selena and I had a fight, but it's all good now." "No! I didn't hurt her." "No, it's been settled." "But we just condoned our fight!" "Yeah, okay mom." "No, her mom is ok with it, I guess." "But.." "But mom I need to tell you something." "Yeah, okay."

She looked at me while listening to her mother. I loved the fact that now that she knew about me, she also immediately knew she couldn't tell anyone, even about me being an orphan. She was so smart.

She hung up the phone and bit her lip.

"My mom says I can't see you ever again... and I'm grounded." She said. A socked raged through my body. It meant we maybe had to say goodbye, maybe forever.

"No, no, I don't want you to leave now." I said swiftly.

"Selena, even if you won't turn into a zombie-like creature, you're shadows will kill me anyways." She said. I hugged her tight.

"I was the one who killed my parents. It was I. The shadows made me do it and I don't know how, but I can never do something like that to you. I love you and I don't want to say goodbye now." My eyes filled up with tears.

"I'm sorry. I have to go." She said without emotion. How could she not be saddened? I could never see her again and her voice didn't even tremble.

Demi's POV:

I closed the door and saw Selena running to her window. She looked through the planks with red puffed eyes to watch me leave. My feet didn't work with me, but I had to stay strong. First step. Selena loved me and I finally loved her too. We only had two days to be happy together. Second step. Those two days got ruined by her shadows, they tied me up in numbing roots and took away my senses for a night. The shadows hated me. Third step. Selena was going to leave me in two days and she couldn't help it. It was her nature to let the shadows make her mind blank and turn her into a scary creature. She would probably search for a flock for the rest of her life, and never find one. Fourth step. I was now grounded and not allowed to see her ever again. And I was this stupid to leave her like this, to give her this shitty farewell. My feet couldn't take any more steps. My eyes filled up with tears and the flowed down my cheek. My breath passed into a devastating cry. I took the hair away from my face as I bended my shoulders to make myself as small as possible. I knew Selena still stood behind the window. She watched me cry, but she knew it was no use to walk outside to comfort me. At last, she knew I cared.


	12. Desire for that Energy

Selena's POV:

**_13th January_ **

_One day you will love us. One day we will agree with one another._

"No, I hate you. I will always hate you guys. All you will do is turn me into nothing. You destroyed my life." I cried in the corner of the room. Tomorrow would be the day I was going to lose everything. Not that I had anything in my possession. The only one who could possibly miss me was Demi, but she wouldn't suffer from it. Even if I didn't turn into a horrible creature tomorrow, she still would never see me again. Her parents didn't allow her to be with me, but she knew about me. I had to move if nothing would happen tomorrow.

And I just sat there on the old small mattress. I saw how my skin got paler and paler. The fact that I couldn't think anymore tomorrow also made me happy. I was finally getting freed from suffering and being aware of the pain that my shadows give me every second of the day. Nothing could be my own fault anymore, I was not a murderer anymore.

DemiD92: At what time is your birthday..?

I got the message via my phone. She wanted to know when it was over. I completely understood her. She wanted to know when she REALLY couldn't be with me anymore.

SuperSellyG: tomorrow 22:54

SuperSellyG: Don't ever forget that I love you.

DemiD92: I love you too...

**_14th January_ **

I couldn't sleep this night. I had been sitting in the corner all day. I didn't want to go outside. I didn't want to see people. I wanted to be alone. Of course I could never be completely alone, I've never been. The shadows were going easy on me this night and I didn't know why. Tonight was the time and I wasn't prepared. I checked my phone several times, hoping Demi would talk to me. I didn't want us to have the 'I love you, I love you too' last words cliché. Because I was too afraid to think this was actually real. I just wanted to talk to her as if nothing was going to happen. The hours passed by. I didn't need food. I didn't need water. The shadows gave me enough energy to prepare myself. I watched the sun set, which is when my heart started to pound heavier. Goodbye, sun. More hours went by and the silence around me drove me insane. I lied down with my knees up, as the tears started to fall. I sniffed while humbling a song until I looked at the clock.

**_22:46_ **

I sighed. This was it. I wiped my tears away, saddened that my mind had to die this way.

Until suddenly, someone knocked the door. I slowly sat up with messy hair. I looked down the window and saw a body wearing a jacket with its hood on its head. I saw brown curly locks coming from underneath the hood. Demi. I quickly ran downstairs and opened the door. My awareness of time was gone. I didn't know if walking down the stairs cost me a second or seven minutes. Maybe it already started. What if. I backed out when I looked into Demi's red eyes. She stepped forward.

"I'm here to be with you until your last seconds." She said quietly. I wanted to say allot, but no word escaped my mouth. I pulled Demi inside, closed the door and ran upstairs. Demi hastily followed me. I stopped when I entered my room and embraced the woman who cared so much about me that she was even here to watch me dying into a zombie state. I cried in her arms.

"I.. I'm s-so scared.." I said. Demi rested her forehead on my shoulder, but then quickly pulled away. I looked at the clock of my phone.

**_22:52_ **

I ran to the same corner of the room and sat down. Demi looked at me and swallowed.

"S-step away. I don't want to hurt you." I stuttered. She stepped back until her back came up against the wall.

**_22:53_ **

She turned her head away a little of fright. She didn't really want to see me change, but her eyes were glued to me.

"Flee if anything happens." I said. She softly nodded while her eyes were filled with tears. Her eyebrows shortly frowned upwards. She clearly didn't know what to do. Not that she could do anything.

I covered my head while my breath started to increase.

"10 seconds. I love you." Demi said while looking at her watch.

"I love you, too." I sniffed through my tears.

"M-maybe we will find each other in heaven." She cried.

3\. 2. 1. I squeezed my eyes as I breathed heavily. I prepared myself to find lust in fulfilling my shadows' needs. I prepared myself to be blinded and deafened. I prepared myself to stop my feels, to stop my heartbeat.

As I noticed I felt no change inside me. I opened my eyes again. I was scared I wouldn't see anything and notice my thoughts fading away into nothing. But I saw the mattress between my knees. It calmed me down. I softly lifted my head. I still expected the strangest feeling of my mind fading away. I wouldn't be aware of it of course. But nothing happened. Nothing at all. I looked at Demi and I noticed how joyful I felt about seeing her pretty face again.

She still looked at me with a fearful stare, but soon she found out nothing happened. Her scared eyes turned into shocked ones. She pointed her face to me again.  
I sat up and looked at my wrists. I saw the symbols I was born with, still engraved upon my skin. But no roughness, no grayness.

"D-did anything happen?" Demi asked quietly. I looked up and softly shook my head. Demi's back pulled away from the wall and she stepped closer to me.

_Stop her._

I lifted my hand towards her to tell her not to come any closer. She stopped and frowned. I looked around.

_Listen to us._

I sat up straight and heard their words echoing through my head.

_We love you. We love you, in other ways than others of our kind. We love your personality. We know that is rare. We don't want to turn you into a creature you don't want to be. As long as you keep being ours. You'll be one of the first Penariks to ever reach a full-grown age with an own consciousness. We didn't warn you, because we are warning you now. If we warned you then, you now wouldn't listen. Don't ever find yourself near a flock. It will be your end._

They stopped talking. Demi patiently waited for them to finish, even though she didn't know what they said. I looked back at her and smiled.

"I'm okay." I said trough my tears. Her shocked face slowly turned happy and joyful. She ran to and hugged me tight. We never thought we could ever do that again. She happily wiped my hair from my face and kissed me. After pulling away, she looked me into the eyes and brushed her hand through my hair. Her hands were still stuck on my shoulders, and she didn't want to let go.

"Happy birthday." She laughed. I laughed with her, but my smile disappeared when I thought things trough.

"You're still not allowed to see me again..." I said.

"I don't care. They can't tear us apart now. Not after what happened to us in those 4 days." She said determined. The corners of my lips lifted again. Demi looked at the clock and sighed of joy. I sighed as well and let myself fall on the mattress.

"Here. I still had a bottle of water left in my bag." Demi grabbed the bottle and handed it to me. I quickly opened it and drank every single drop. The shadows had stopped trapping me in this state of dehydration and hunger I could still live with because they gave energy. The state made me mentally weak. It wasn't fun. I rested my head on the mattress again and saw how Demi lied down next to me. We didn't have much space, but it was obvious that she was not going anywhere tonight.

"Are you fully okay?" She asked. I nodded with a smile. I completely loved how much she cared about me.

"I haven't slept for two days." I confessed. I sat up and pulled my thin blanket over the both of us. Demi kicked off her shoes and tied up her hair.

"Don't you have a pillow? Or a thicker blanket?" She asked. I shook my head. She was surprised by how little property I had. She wasn't used to the cold like this. She shivered and shoved closer to me. I took her hands and kissed them. I wasn't planning to let go. Demi closed her eyes and swallowed.

"Demi?" I began.

"Yes?"

"If you happen to wake up during the night, please don't look at me." She opened her eyes again and frowned.

"Why?"

I didn't want to tell her how awful I started to look once I was in a deep sleep. Almost like the zombie creature I was supposed to turn into this night. My skin would become grey and pale. It would get ugly smudges and scars. My lips would get dry and broken and I would become cold as ice. But I didn't want to tell her, she would get scared.

"Just don't, please." I answered.

Demi looked down and softly rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand.

"I thought it was a part of being someone's girlfriend." She laughed. I grinned. She nodded of acceptance. She respected my condition, one of the reasons why I loved her. She kissed my cheek.

"Goodnight." She said.

"Goodnight." I replaced myself and closed my eyes. I felt how the shadows came to me to let me relax. It felt like they rested their wings upon me. I fell asleep.

Demi's POV:

**_15th January_ **

I woke up of the cold. The sun wasn't up yet. The hand that was knitted in mine felt ice cold. I opened my eyes and couldn't help to look at her. She was the first thing that lied in my view. Her appearance scared me. Now I understood why she told me not to look at her, but I wasn't a bundle of nerves. It looked like her skin could crumble any moment. And she was so pale. She almost looked dead. Her eyes trembled a little. She was dreaming and I was breaking a promise. Sigh. I shivered while trying to warm myself up. Of course Selena had seized every part of the blanket. I carefully tried to unclench my hand from Selena's. I arduously turned around and pulled my knees up to get more warmth. I had to pretend I never saw her this way.

I woke up the next morning and turned around. I quickly noticed Selena was gone. I looked around and got up. I heard noises downstairs, she was already up. I looked at my straggly hair in the mirror. It feels weird to sleep in your jeans and bra . I put on my shoes and walked downstairs. And there she stood, fully in person, with her own consciousness. I was so happy to see her normal. I sneaked up behind her.

"Boo." I said toneless. She looked at me and smiled.

"Good morning." She grinned. She handed me a small bowl of washy non-nutritious cereals.

"The milk is almost out of date. Sorry for that." She grabbed her own bowl and started eating. I grabbed the plastic spoon and put the nasty substance in my mouth.

"So, now that you are consciously 18 years old, have you ever thought about what you are going to do for your birthday?" I asked. Selena widened her eyes at me and laughed.

"Me, celebrating my birthday? With me, you and what people?" She said. I shrug my shoulders and took another bite.

"Maybe Ruby, Alice?" I suggested. Selena sighed while cleaning the kitchen.

"They're still chiefly YOUR friends, Demi. I like them, but they're not like friends-friends, you know." She explained. She was right. Besides, she wasn't used to celebrate her birthday. She has lived on her own for 5 years now, without any real friends or family. She had a boyfriend, but she never really loved him as she loved me. I was a dumbass in showing how much I love someone, but I didn't want to disappoint her. I could give her a present, a big one. But she wouldn't be satisfied with any type of candy or roses. If she would like a present I'd give to her, it had to be a present she could really use. That wasn't hard. I already knew what to give.

She turned around and looked at me having a grin on my face.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Where have you been young lady!?" My mother yelled at me when I closed the door. My parents knew right away, great. I had to think fast. What can I do? Tell the truth? No, that'd make things then times worse. But lie, about what? Act like it's the most normal thing in the world or act guilty.

"I went to Joey." I lied. But their angry faces didn't change a single bit.

"All night!?" My father yelled. I looked down. This lie couldn't last long.

"And... I stopped by at Selena's place before that." I said. They widened their eyes.

"You contravened all your punishments! There is a reason I told you not to be around this Selena-girl again! Haven't you seen how she dresses herself? She wears black boots and leather jackets!"

"Mom, I do too!"

"Silence! You know exactly what we are talking about! This girl is clearly a dirty lesbian. Haven't you seen the way she looks at you!? What if you two find an affection with one another!?" My father yelled. That hurt. I tensed my lips and sighed.

"Gay sexuality isn't an illness, dad. You're born with it, don't you see? God never banished gay people from the gates to heaven! Those are the parts in the bible that have been made up in times when monks rewrote it!"

"Go to your room! You can stay there until supper!" My mom pointed to the ceiling. I clenched my fists and slammed the door behind me.

Selena's POV:

**_17th January_ **

"I never said I had that many kilos with me. Hud said he had 1.5 and that's it." I said while handing the man the bags of MDMA and LSD. The man looked around and placed his hand on the side of his belt. I saw the steal of a handgun shining between his fingers. I swallowed.

"Will you now give 5 kilos?" He said threatening. I threw the bags in front of his feet.

"You will get it in 2 days." I said and put my helmet back on. I walked back to my motorcycle and hopped onto the front seat. I startled when I felt a hand on the shoulder of my leather jacket.

"Don't disappoint me. Drug dealers are very wanted in this state." He said and turned his back to me.

"You don't even know my name..." I quietly said to myself and pulled the right handle. I drove back from Portland to my home. A six-hour ride back, great.

**_18th January_ **

"Demi, I'm getting nauseous of this bandage. I can't see where we're riding to." I said with a knot in my stomach.

"That's the whole point, honey. I'm not going to tell you where we're going." She said. We sat in her white land rover, riding to a present she planned for me. I didn't know what to expect. Maybe she wanted to give me a new sketchbook or new tools. I'd be happy with everything. But then why did she have to blind me up with an old dishcloth?

She finally parked her car and helped me outside. We walked to a door and she opened it. She gently pushed me forward. I felt how the floor recognizably cracked underneath my feet.

"Demi, why are we at my house?" I said. A funny silence went truth the air.

"J-just walk upstairs with me." She said frustrated of having to blind me the whole way from school. I grinned while she pushed me upstairs. We went into my own room and she stopped me.

"Okay, you can pull it off now." I loved the excitement I heard in her voice. I quickly pulled off the dishcloth and was shocked of what I saw.

There was an actual double bed placed in my own room. Including a real pillow and blanket with duvet. My jaw dropped as I stepped towards the big thing. Demi stood stiffened of excitement behind me.

"Do you like it? I was in two minds about the right duvet, so I chose a blue one. I hope you like that color, because it kind of takes over the average color of your room. But your room is kind of grey anyways so, I thought you wouldn't mind. But just in case I bought a dark green one as well and..." Demi kept prattling but I barely followed her. I didn't listen to be honest. I stepped towards the bed and caressed the mattress cover. I sat down on it.

"You don't like it do you?" Demi's excitement stopped. It was ridiculous for her to think I didn't like it.

"No, I don't like it." I said. Demi looked shocked at me.

"I love it..." I smiled at her. She smiled back and walked towards the other side of the bed. I lied down and rested my head on the pillow.

"I cannot thank you enough." I said while she sat down. I tapped with my hand on the other side. She smiled and lied down next to me.

"Wait, maybe I can." I said and kissed her on the lips. She smiled and kissed me back. She wiped her hair away and leaned on her elbows. I felt that brightening again, the same feeling as the moment we were on the roof. Kissing felt the best after spitting out loads of emotions, I had noticed. I placed my hands on her neck and she still tried to keep her hair out of the way. She pulled away and grinned.

"This is one of the reasons why I want to cut it." She said. I laughed. Everything went right between us and it felt great. There were only two concerns. First, Demi's parents were still going to be against all of this. But we both knew we didn't want to tell them yet. It could ruin our relationship, but we knew nothing would get in our way anymore. Second, my shadows still hated Demi. Every time when I kissed or hugged her, my shadows crawled like demons over the ceiling of anger. I never really told her why they were angry. Maybe I could show her, I knew I could.

I placed myself on my elbows after pulling away.

"Can I show you something?" I asked.

Demi's POV:

"Anytime." I smiled. Selena sat up and lifted her knees.

"I am able... to show you how my shadows feel about me." She said. It took me by surprise. I never really thought about how the shadows loved her so much. Maybe they loved her more than I did.

"How?"

"I just need to concentrate. I've done it before with a friend but it didn't really work out. But we have a relationship, so you're allowed to kiss me and stuff." She said and smiled. I frowned.

"Do you want to? Maybe you will learn to understand why my shadows are so hateful to you. And maybe they will stop doing things to you." She said. I thought about it. She was right, it was better if I learned to understand all of that. I softly nodded. She replaced herself and carefully placed her hands on my shoulders. She looked at me with a questioning face, making sure I really wanted this. I looked straight into her eyes while she focused on giving the same energy. The same desire for her as the shadows had.

I began to notice the vision around me. I saw more than a normal human could see. Everything was black and white and almost a negative effect. I saw white pointy smoke on several places and I saw the shadows flying against the ceiling. I never saw them, as Selena could see, before. I looked at her. it felt like she brightened up. She was more beautiful than ever. Her eyes sparkled and her skin lid up. Her sphere gave me a feeling of pleasure. Not necessarily sexually, I don't know how to explain it. She gave me the urge to touch her. She looked into my eyes. My fingers reached for her lower arms. My hand lifted to her shoulders. I wanted to kiss her more than ever, but I was scared that she didn't want it. But she let me do it. She thought it was all right. I slowly leaned in towards her. She didn't lean in. She didn't move a single bit. My lips touched hers. The feeling gave me energy, a certain mettle. I moved my lips against hers while my hands still felt her skin. The shadows quietly stayed on their place and I didn't want to go anywhere. It felt like I wanted to have this energy for the rest of my life. As if I never wanted to pull away anymore. Never, as if I never wanted to die, only to keep this going. It was a seducing and hypnotizing energy. I wanted her. I wanted to have her.

Selena's POV:

She kissed me while her hands moved towards my neck. She took it slow at first, because she was too confused and shy. When she touched my lips, she inhaled deeply. As if she was reborn at that moment. The shadows were silenced by the energy that was floating around her. She kissed me more and more intense. She didn't stop. She didn't care that her hair got in the way or that she almost pushed the pillows off the bed. She didn't care, or she didn't notice.

"Demi." I began quietly. She didn't hear me discontinue. I tried to pull away but she went on.

"Demi, stop." I said louder. I tried to break the bond I made between her and the shadows. She pulled away, crawled back and looked wide-eyed at me while she realized what she did.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I couldn't... Wow." She stumbled over her words as she wiped her hair from her face. I looked down, since I knew I was actually the one to blame.

"They don't love you. They love their lust for you. They are trapped in a certain energy." She tried to explain something I already knew. I nodded.


	13. Coming Out

Demi's POV:

I was disgusted about how I treated Selena that day. It was as if she disappeared from my mind, the moment I kissed her. It was so wrong. The only thing I perceived was that energy. I never wanted to do it again. It was like smoking. You're poisoning yourself to release stress. I was misusing my capability of kissing her to feel the strange feeling I didn't really understand. I know it wasn't my fault, Selena let me do it. But I felt so guilty about it.

After leaving her house, I quickly rode to my box ball in the woods. I wanted to be alone for a moment. I tied my curly brown hair up, put my earplugs in and wrapped up my hands with the old bandage. The bandage was still covered in mud and blood. I looked at my fingers before hitting the sac. The wounds on my knuckles were almost healed. And I was this stupid to open the wounds again. My nails were short, but not bitten like Selena's. If I would have long ones, I would cut the palms of my hands when clenching it to punch. They were once long and beautiful. It was the time I stilled played my harp. My hands used to be so majestic. As if they could dance ballet on their own. I pulled off my jacket and concentrated on my music.

_Life goes on, It gets so heavy_

_The wheel breaks the butterfly_

_Every tear a waterfall_

_In the night, stormy night she closed her eyes_

_In the night the stormy night_

_Away she flied...._

I hit the sac for the first time when I heard the drop of the chorus. _Para-para-paradise_. I hit faster and faster. Punch, punch, punch, kick, dive left, dive right. And so on. I thought about the reactions that'd be given if I told I'm in love with Selena to the ones I care about. Alice would never speak to me again. Ruby would be jealous of us. My parents would hate me and think it'd be their fault. Their fault, that they procreated a full blood she-devil. My father would personally pull my hair towards the basement. It has been done before. I wasn't allowed to see Selena. And I was constantly breaking the punishment. I constantly had to lie to my parents. I had to go to school again tomorrow and I prepared myself for the hell I was going to throw myself into. Maybe my parents were right. What if God DID see me as a demon. I gave a quick look at the sky as I noticed the sky getting darker. Small drops softly fell around me. But I wanted to go on, I didn't want to stop. The raindrops even made me punch faster and harder. The soft drops turned into big ones and tripled in quantity. My sweat got wiped away by it. My hair locks stuck on my cheeks. But I needed to punch faster. I stopped kicking and diving, since I found my competitive urge to keep hitting the sac. I gasped wildly, but my music banged through my lungs' weary sound. I was devastated, but I needed to hold on. I bared my teeth of exhaustion. I heard thunders through my deafening music. My feet kept dancing back and forth. I heard my own voice making sounds of fatigue. My eyes filled up with tears of frustration and anger. The thought that I wasn't allowed to be what I really was. With that thought, my body collapsed on the cold wet ground. I wildly pulled off my earplugs and couched. I didn't even get kicked in my stomach this time. I spit on the ground and panted harshly. I felt how the water of the puddle withdrew into my jeans. I leaned on my elbows to prevent my face getting dirty. I cried it out. The feelings were hidden for too long. It didn't make me weak, I was strong for too long. Selena didn't know about my times like these. She had her own problems. She was a Penarik for God's sake. This made me realize, lesbians weren't the only she-devils in this world. Selena was a double she-devil. I remembered the words written in the book, the one she printed in her head.

_These creatures shalt form contact with hwone we witness as shadows, monsters or demons. Likewise se Devil himself. May God be with us._

I remembered the story of the man's diary as well.

_The Penariks bended their arms and backs in painful ways, it was their way of dancing and permitting their Bayagans to enjoy them._

I sat up and wiped the raindrops from my face. Stains of my mascara stuck on my finger. If I was going to get banned from my family, I'd be banned with her. I was happy not to stand alone, she'd be there for me. She would understand me more than anyone would.

I can home with dirty pants and red puffy eyes. I was soaked by the rain. I walked towards the living room. I had a plan, and this was the first and worst step. My father read the newspaper and my mother knitted, which was a very severe hobby of her. They looked surprised at me.

"I only asked you to walk the dog!" My mother yelled. I sighed.

"I took a long walk this time." I replied. My mother goggled and went on. They never really took their punishments that serious, except for the one where I wasn't allowed to Selena anymore.

I sat down on the chair and picked my fingers. I had to say this in the right way.

"Can I ask something?" I began.

They looked up from what they were doing.

"I wanted to ask if Selena could maybe stay for dinner tomorrow. It's important. I want you to give her a chance." I stuttered. They looked wide-eyed at each other.

"I thought we clearly told you why we didn't want you to be around her." My father spoke. I looked down.

"Can you give us a chance?" I replied. They saw how seriously I wanted this. My mother sighed and looked at my father. They exchanged faces while I pretended not to notice.

"Okay. One dinner. But if we still don't trust her it's over with your friendship." She said. I smiled widely.

_**19th January** _

I parked my car on the parking lot. Today was the day. I didn't want to let go off the steering wheel. I swallowed. I looked at my watch. I still had 15 minutes before class was starting. I looked at the students walking through the front door like a funnel. They were all brainwashed. I saw Selena driving onto the schoolyard. She took her helmet off and fixed her hair. She was so beautiful. She viewed the parking lot and noticed my car standing there already. But she didn't notice me still sitting it. I was brainwashed once as well. We all thought nature was supposed to be for men and women together only. Some people, and even some animals, have a deviation in this regard. Even me. At first, I thought I'd be bisexual. But I never fell for a guy before. I never understood that gender. I really was a lesbian...

We sat together in the break. I didn't say a word to her and she thought she understood. She thought I was tired of the people whispering behind our backs. I was of course, but that wasn't the reason why I didn't say anything. I was quiet, because I factually mentally prepared myself to speak up for the both of us. Because whenever Sophia came by, we knew we had trouble. And indeed, she walked by.

"It is awfully quiet here. Did you guys found a way to get pregnant? Who's the mother?" She said and laughed with her friends. I got up, which I normally didn't do. She smiled of ridiculousness.

"What? Are you going to rape me now?" She snarled. Vanessa and Claire pretended to wildly kiss, to which Sophia burst out laughing.

"So funny to see two girls kissing. As if their boobs are in the way and their hair get knit into each other." The words she spit made me furious. I turned my head to Selena with my teeth glued to each other. She got up to calm me down, but I grabbed her jaws and kissed her fully in her mouth.

Selena's POV:

She fully planted her tongue in my mouth. I widened my eyes and grabbed her by her wrists as I almost lost balance. I heard people yelling many different things. They clapped their hands and punched the tables. Why did she kiss me? I thought she wanted to keep it a secret. She pulled away and directly looked into Sophia's surprised eyes.

"Still funny?" She said with all furiousness. She knew she just openly confirmed everything, our preference in sexuality and our relationship, and she almost looked proud of it. I still looked surprised around me. Sophia laughed of surprise and rested her hand on Demi's shoulder.

"I think I won't need to embarrass you guys anymore, you already do it on your own." She said. Demi smote the hand from her shoulder. They blew a kiss and walked away. Demi looked around, emotionless. It surprised me how strong and confident she looked. The people still laughed and cheered. I looked at her when I saw her eyes fill up with tears, but she didn't pander to it. I grabbed her hand and walked to the bathroom with her. She swallowed the tears away and her eyes anxiously looked into mine. Scared that I wouldn't tolerate the actions she just did.

"That... That was incredibly brave of you." I said. The corners of her lips lifted.

"Now everyone knows. Except for my parents. But I took care of that." She said. I smiled. I was so proud of the fact that she really wanted to speak up for the both of us. We have been hiding for too long.

"I'm officially inviting you for dinner today." She said while grabbing my hands.

I rang the doorbell of the big house. It felt nice to be here again. Demi opened and hugged me of excitement.

"Okay, don't do anything suspicious yet." She whispered before letting go. I nodded and smiled. Demi's father walked towards the doorstep. I was surprised by how tall he was.

"Hello, it's nice to finally meet you. My excuses for not being home when you were here. I'm a Judge, so I'm not home very often." He said while nervously laughing and shaking my hand.

"It's nice to meet you too." I politely said. I walked inside and Demi helped me pull off my jacket like a gentleman. I walked into the room. The table was filled with food. It looked delicious. A shock came through my body when I realized I hadn't thought of something. I, being a Penarik, didn't eat much at all. I got enough energy from my shadows, although it made me skinny. We sat down on the table.

My shadows inspected the whole situation. They didn't know what to think of this situation. Demi's mother greeted me and sat down in front of me. Demi sat next to me. I looked at the cutlery, made of actual silver. I grabbed the spoon, C.M.L. was engraved into it. I scratched the letters with my bitten nail.

"It says Claudia Marianne Lovato. I got it as a wedding present. Does your mother have heritage items?" Demi's mother spoke. Ouch. She shove the potatoes on my plate.

"Uhm... No I don't think so." I softly said. Demi unnoticeably face-palmed and sighed. I bit my lip and thanked her for serving the dinner.

"So, uhm, why did you want to start kickboxing as well?" Demi's father asked. I swallowed the delicious slices of beef.

"Well, Demi kind of lugged me to it. She showed me how cool it is during the try-outs." I answered.

"But I thought you two met at school?" He replied. Demi talked with her mouth full while cutting a piece of beef.

"Yeah, I invited her, dad. She liked it so much that she wanted to try as well."

"And are their maybe any other reasons you went there, instead of just the fighting? I mean, maybe for the boys." He joked. I choked in the beef and couched. Demi gave an angry face at her dad and threw her fork on her plate. I awkwardly took a sip from my orange juice. Her mother gave a face back at Demi, to tell her not to be so bold. The faces passed on and on and it began to get quite in the room. They then started talking about a case of her father's job. I looked down my plate as I realized I was already full. I seriously ate only three-quart of the beef and a few potatoes. And a spoonful of the salad still lied on the other side of them. I looked at Demi, who jadedly chew her salad. She looked back at me and saw my plate. She looked confused at first, but then realized my problem. She almost wanted to face-palm once more. She gave me a face; 'can't you eat a little more?'. I looked down and sighed. Eating more was like eating a meal after the Christmas dinner. My shadows laughed and enjoyed the embarrassing mood. I took a bite from the salad and arduously chewed. I felt like throwing up after that bite. The shadows of course had to give me more energy than usual, just to tease me. Demi didn't know the consequences that could follow if I went on eating. I stressed if I got nauseous and the shadows would pull out my soul. I absolutely did not want to get an attack right now. I stopped eating, it was too dangerous.

I patiently waited for the rest to finish. When they were done, Demi's mother piled up the plates and looked shocked when her eyes pointed at my plate.

"If you didn't like it, you could have told me." She said pained.

"She's not a big eater." Demi replied.

"Well, you sure are allowed to eat a little more. A skinny girl can get all the food she wants." Her father said. Demi closed her eyes and tensed her lips, embarrassed by the comments her father gave. The comment clearly wasn't only a message to me. He just seriously indirectly called his own daughter fat. Demi's mother ignored it and grabbed my plate. I sighed.

"Uhm, momma can you please head off to the living room with dad, after you're done?" Demi asked. Oh no, the moment stroke. Her mother consented confusingly. After Demi helped her in the kitchen while I shyly listened to her father's stories about the church and annoying lawyers, her mother sat down on the couch and Demi sat next to me.

"I need to tell you something." She gulped. I looked scared at the two homophobic people sitting in front of us. Demi tried to find the right words.

"Selena and I have been really good friends, since she got in town. I helped her into the kickboxing team and she taught me incredible things." The parents sat up as they realized what was going on.

"And we started to feel.. uhm... We felt more for each other than just friendship. And it all happened after a long story. And we basically beat each other up and then I theoretically saved her life. And we began to s-share.. uhm.. to share.." Demi stopped talking while her eyes filled up with tears. It was so hard for her to tell her parents, and I completely understood why. It pained me to see her struggling.

"We found love. Love for each other." I finished. They looked shocked at us. Demi's mother sat up.

Demi's POV:

I imagined everything that could happen. My breath increased of my nerves.

"Selena, I think it is time for you to go home now." My mother said. I wanted to yell at the woman that gave birth to me. All I did was inhale fast. Selena had to leave, maybe forever. Selena looked wide-eyed at my mom and dad. She looked down and got up. I wanted to get up to do something. To hug her, or to at least say goodbye. But dad got up and severely pushed me back in my chair. Shit. My father never acted this harsh unless he was about to smite his words in my face. And sometimes not only his words.

Selena looked at me for one last time and I heard the door closing. My father swiftly walked back to me and grabbed me by my shirt. I got up. My mother burst out in tears and ran upstairs.

"Mom! MOM!" I yelled at her while the tears started to roll down my cheek. I cried for her help, but also cried for her to come back.

"You are not her daughter and you're definitely not mine!" He screamed. He let go and I fearfully stepped back. He walked to the bookshelf and grabbed the bible.

"Did you not EVER listen to the stories in this holy book!?" He threw the book next to me. He grabbed another book and this time deliberately reached for me. The book slammed against my arms, while I tried to push it away from me. He grabbed another book and threw again. I backed out until my back reached the wall. He had never been this angry. He grabbed me by my upper arm and slapped straight into my face.

I of course could defend myself, but I somehow still didn't want to hurt my father. He was my dad, I had loved him my whole life.

"That demon is going to the hell where it belongs." I didn't understand his words. He walked towards a box and opened it. He pulled out an actual handgun and pointed at the window. I looked closely and saw Selena, stiffened and shocked on the other side of it. My jaw dropped.

"No! Dad! DAD!" I quickly ran to him pulled his arm. Which made him shoot one time. I screamed and covered my ears in a reflex of danger.

That was the worst fear I had. Lucky me, that didn't happen. The scene already played in my head while I waited for my parents to reply.


	14. You were dead today

Demi's POV:

"Well..." My mother spoke. I tried to sense every movement they made. My mother frowned at looked at my dad, who stared at the ground while frowning as well.

"I, uhm." My dad laughed of the nerves. My dad pointed his eyes to my mother. They didn't understand anything at all. They now faced a living proof that not all homosexual persons are raised like a demon. I stopped looking at them, realizing the fact that it saddened me to see them hesitating more than I thought. Selena's body was pointed at me. Her knees touched mine, and she held my hands. But she didn't look at me. She stared at the ground, focusing on what she heard my parents do. I couldn't bare the silence anymore.

"This doesn't change anything about me. You thought uncle Brian would change too, but he didn't. He only married a person from the same gender. It doesn't make any difference." That's all I had to say. My mother sat up again and looked at me.

"Honey, we love you. And we will always do. We just need time to process this. Do you understand?" She said. I was surprised by how good she kept everything together. No tears were shed after all. I nodded.

Selena's POV:

**_21th January_ **

I punched against the arms of Timothy while tried to hit me as well. I was finally able to face the muscled guy as well. Tomorrow was my first match, to get on the next class. It was basically in the same team, but with better training exercises. I punched him right in the face, which made him stoked up. He ran to me and kicked against my leg, right on the bruises from precious training. A small cry of pain flew out of my lungs. I walked backwards as he walked up to me. My back reached the edge of the ring. I dived away from a few punches and quickly kicked in his stomach to which he bended over. I quickly straightened my back and punched him right in his face.

"Okay, stop." He said through his mouthpiece while holding a hand up. I panted and flung off my gloves. Demi ran to me and handed me a bottle of water.

"How did it go?" I asked.

"I've got great hopes for you, honey." I loved it when she called me that. I actually felt sweet.

"Okay, I'll take a shower, do you want to stay at my place?"

"Yeah." She shortly answered while biting her lip and smiling. I gave a little kiss on her lips and quickly ran to the shower.

Everything was going so well. Demi's parents finally chose to accept us. They still found it difficult, but they didn't want to be involved with our plans.

I quickly took off my clothes and hopped into the shower. I sniffed and held my head under the running water. I opened my eyes again, and was shocked to see that the lights had turned off. I stepped away from the shower and awkwardly waved my arm in the air. I certainly thought the room had motion sensors, but the lights didn't turn back on. I quickly wrapped at towel around my body before leaving the shower hutch. I tried to look for a light switch. I couldn't see a thing. My hand moved along the cold tiles. It was no use, there was no light switch at all. I walked into the dressing rooms and felt for my clothes. I managed to put on my underwear and my pants, but my shirt was nowhere to be seen.

All of the sudden, a severe ache came up in my head. I stumbled while I tried to keep my balance. The lights turned back on, but I still didn't see a thing. Everything was blurry. Two different views overlapped each other while I tried to keep standing up. I wanted to look at my wrists, because I knew my shadows tried to tell me something. The whole process was heavier than ever. Before my wrists reached my sight, everything turned dark again and I heard my head smash against the benches and my body fall on the cold hard ground.

Demi's POV:

I waited for Selena to finish dressing. She really took her time, I already finished helping the other guys with cleaning up. I sat on my phone while I waited for half an hour for Selena. I checked my watch once again and started to lose patience. I walked over to the dressing room, she wouldn't mind if I saw her changing, right? I knocked the door.

"Sel? How much longer are you going to take?" I asked. It was awfully quiet on the other side of the wooden door. I knocked once again with a frown. No reply. I opened the door and screamed when I found the girl lying on the ground. I ran to her and kneeled down next to her. I lifted her head and saw a dirty wound on her head. The questions raged through my head. Did the wound pass her out or her passing out cause the wound? Did the shadows do this to her again? I looked around. Instead of the illuminating water drops floating in the air, I saw the tiles of the walls crack right in front of my eyes. I swiftly grabbed her wrists. And yet again, they were highly grey and her veins lightened up like lightning. The thought of her soul being pulled out of her body gave goosebumps of fear. My girlfriend lied dead next to me and it was horrifying. I now realized there was nothing I could do, but to wait for her to come back. I dragged her upper body onto my lap. A flashback went through my head. A scary feeling of being paralyzed, deafened and blinded, while Selena dragged me onto her lap and rested my head on my chest. I had forgotten the memory after waking up the next morning, but it came back all of the sudden. I gulped while the sweat broke through my skin. The flashback somehow had given me panic. My breath increased. The blood that came from her forehead made my stomach turn upside-down.

And at last, her lungs filled up with air again. I relievedly sighed and wiped away the hair from her wound. Her breath accelerated within seconds when the pain hit her. I bared my teeth in full compassion. She opened her eyes and frowned while she moaned small cries of pain.

"It's alright, you're going to be okay." My thoughts somehow pointed back at the moment in the woods again after saying that. I grabbed her hand while her chest went up and down of her heavy breath. She finally realized what was going on when I let her sit on her own. She looked around for a moment, but then lowered her head again.

I helped her to stand up. She stared into nothing while trying to keep herself on her legs.

"Sit down. I have to grab the first aid kit." Selena fell on the benches without saying anything. I reassured if she was okay before leaving. I ran to the kit. Once I reached it, I suddenly saw myself flashing towards the roots again. The roots that numbed me to a breathing piece of meat. I blinked and my real vision turned back to me, which is when I found myself staring to the walls above the first aid kit. There was really something going on, with me, but with Selena as well. The shadows screamed to tell us something, but I didn't know what.

Selena's POV:

I gasped on the bench while holding on tight to the edge of it. The pain of my forehead made me tense more muscles than needed. The blood slowly dripped down past my eye, mixing up with my tears and quickly dripping of my jaw. I wanted to get up to take care of myself, a habit I thought myself when I was still alone. But my dizziness and my headache didn't allow me to move a single bit. It felt like Demi was gone for an hour. Of course, she wasn't, but stress and pain made my biological clock go crazy. Was that actually a Penarik thing? I finally took control over my breath and could finally look up without almost fainting again.

Demi quickly ran through the door and opened the big orange box. She grabbed an anti-infection spray.

"This will sting." She said and removed the lid. I cried out screams of opposing against her action. But she quickly pressed in the top of the spray button and caused me more pain than before. I screamed my head off. Demi grasped for my arms to support me.

"The worst is over. Breath." She said after the sting disappeared. I tried to breath normally again, but my tears were in the way. Demi placed a cotton ball in a bandage and filled it with alcohol. She really knew how to take care of a wound. She carefully wrapped the bandage around, trying to avoid any movement in the cotton ball. She kneeled down again and grabbed my hands.

"What happened in heaven's name?" She said.

"It was just another attack, I'm used to it." I replied. She wildly shook her head.

"No Sel, this is different. I see things too. I keep getting flashbacks of the moment I got paralyzed in the woods." She said with a tone of perplexity. I was shocked.

"My shadows are not supposed to affect other people..." I said. She shook her head as confirmation.

"Are they talking to you?"

"No."

"Maybe you're not listening well enough." She said carefully, not trying to offend me. I looked up. The white pointy smoke that no one else in the world could see interrupted my vision. There was no darkness. They were hidden. To hide from me, or to make contact with other forms of darkness across the world. I didn't hear them either. They normally spoke to me after an attack, to warn me. But they didn't appear anywhere in my sight. I shook my head.

Demi helped me up and led me to her car. We both decided to head off to Demi's place, instead of mine. It was saver for the both of us.

Demi's POV:

My parents weren't home when I opened the door. I helped her upstairs.

"How's the headache?" I asked concerned. She shrugged her shoulder and looked at me with her tired eyes. I gave her a pair of pajamas and walked to the bathroom to give her space. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and covered my face with my hands. The flashes were finally gone and it had given me headache. Not as much as Selena of course, the poor thing. I walked over to the mirror and wiped away my make-up. I noticed freckles had appeared on my cheeks and nose again. Every single spring the darn freckles returned. Although it was almost February.

I returned to my room, Selena still sat on my bed, this time with my pajamas on. She looked highly cute, despite the bandage still wrapped around her head. The pajamas were way too big for the bony skinny girl. The collar of the shirt was slipped down her right shoulder. She didn't mind to look messy around me and I admired that about her. I sat down on the other side of the bed and tied up my hair. She was doubtfully quiet, but I let her be. I turned my back to her, pulled of my shirt, and put on my old sleeping shirt.

"You sleep in a bra?" She asked softly. I turned my head and noticed her looking at me. She smiled shyly. I smirked.

"No. I have technique." I said and pulled out my bra from under my shirt. She laughed about my magic trick and lied down.

"I'm still wondering about what my shadows are trying to tell us." She said while staring at the ceiling. I laid myself next to her. My cheek touched her shoulder.

"Maybe we should sneak away in the spring break." I offered. She frowned.

"Sneak away?"

"Yeah, I mean going on a vacation. To a warmer place than this ice cube of a city." I said. She closed her mouth and replaced her head. Clearly thinking of the idea. She didn't respond. I was thinking of what happened today. It was strange to me that the woman lying next to me was still alive. She was dead today.

"You were dead today."

"I know."

"Most people, who die, don't revive."

"I know."

"I see weird stuff happening when you're dead."

"Those are hallucination, created in my nightmares, reflecting towards you."

"But some hallucinations were beautiful."

"Doesn't take away the fact that they're a part of my nightmares."

It was quiet for a moment.

"Aren't you ever scared you might not revive again?"

"Every single second of the day."


	15. Bird se free

Selena's POV:

**_4th November_ **

_We are so angry_

"I'm sorry."

_Don't apologize_

"But I am. Really."

_We know it is not your fault_

"Then who's is?"

_That friend of yours_

The tears rolled down my cheek. I knew it was not Gretl's fault either. We were just too visible again. Next time, we definitely should be the shy girl of the class. I didn't allow myself to make friends anymore.

_Don't worry. We will always love you. We will just move again._

The sentences overlapped each other and echoed away in my head. They whispered, because they felt considerate over me at that moment. I was so tired. Tired of being so depended on the horrifying but magnificent creatures that floated around me constantly. Tired of sitting alone in the corner of a room, hearing and seeing frightening things. Tired of feeling as if I've got a skin layer too much. Feeling as if I have too many blankets on hot periods, and having no blankets in cold ones. The feeling of having too many minds for one body, one brain, one heart.

"I don't want to move! I wish the ground beneath my feet would swallow me up. I wish I could just crawl back on my mother's lap and hug her until I die."

It was quiet for a moment. A silence so quiet it was earsplitting. I wanted to fill the silence up with my cries, but no sound came out of my mouth.

_Walk to the garden_

My shadows softly commanded me. I looked around and confusingly stepped outside, barefoot. The dewdrops of the grass tickled on my feet. The whole city was lit by the moon. I awkwardly waited for my shadows to speak again.

_Please know that we are the ones that will stay by your side forever. Please know that we do not only give you hate and anxiety. Please know that we can show you beauty._

As soon as they stopped telling me the kind words, I noticed the ground underneath me lighting up. Many dots of light lifted off into the air. They were beautiful. Millions of tiny lights floated on the air around me. I moved my hand through the parades of fireflies and saw them evading from my skinny fingers. Colors of yellow, orange and pink lit up my skin and my clothes. Their peaceful movements made me feel like a water lily dancing on the water. My arms swayed through the lights as I moved my feet with it. They made me smile. I rotated like a ballerina on the wet grass while I felt my shadows watch over me. They enjoyed it, in an actual caring and loving way. They loved me, and not the energy I gave them. It was the first time in my whole life they showed me how much they truly loved me.

Demi's POV:

**_22th January_ **

I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. This surprisingly happened more often when Selena lied next to me. I looked at how her skin was grey like a dead body. It reminded me of what happened the previous day. Her dry mouth was slightly open and she audibly breathed. Her eyebrows moved to different directions in small shocks, and even her head sometimes moved with them. What was she dreaming of? She told me that the weird stuff, that happened when I find her body after an attack, is actually a hallucination. Hallucinations send to me, reflecting from her nightmares. Did she ever dream about floating water drops, or cracking walls? If she calls those water drops nightmares, I'd love to have her nightmares every night. I imagined what she would dream of right now, now that she slept like a small child in the arms of her mother. I caressed over het soft cheek with my thumb. Did she ever dream about her family? She replaced her head, whereby I could catch her scent. She actually smelled like cinnamon and lavender, a surprising nice combination. Most of the time when I caught her sleeping, she smelled like death. Maybe because she then had a nightmare and now finally had a nice dream? While getting lost in my thoughts I slumbered back to sleep.

"You can do this. If the wound on your head gets in the way, tell me immediately." I said to Selena while massaging her shoulders. I pulled off her jacket and stepped out of the ring. Selena fiercely looked around her while making small jumps to warm herself up. I could tell from the movement of her eyebrows that she was enormously nervous. My hands were still clenched on the big robe, watching the girl mentally preparing herself for her fight. I called her name when her mouthpiece was handed to me. She turned around and I gave her the frothy thing. She kissed my cheek before cramming it into her mouth. I felt my cheeks getting red, after she then turned back to the center of the ring.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you for our first fight of this semester! Allow me to tell you that this is approximately an exam. The two opponents will be tested whether they are ready to pass the first rank of our kickboxing trainings. On the left side, Marianne! And on our right side, Selena! And remember, win the game before it's played!"

Selena's POV:

The crowd cheered after the coach's speech. People drummed with their hands on fences that kept them 6 feet away from the platform. I walked forwards to give Marianne a hand. The coach stepped in between us and checked if we were ready. I placed myself in the right stance. He whistled and stepped back. Marianne started dancing with her feet and walked around me. I tried the keep the right distance. She hopped towards me to kick my shins. I evaded her feet while quickly trying to figure out her flaws. Marianne was one of the girls and boys that came in the team when I did too. She definitely had more weight than I did, but she wasn't fat. I hadn't fought with her before. She was definitely trying to find my weak spots. But the only weak spot on me right now, was the wound on my forehead.

I tried to hit her head to ease her down, she was trying her very best to vary her kicks and punches equally. I ducked my head away from the punches she tried to give back. She made two full hits in my face.

"Come on, Selena!" I heard Demi shouting from behind. I inhaled deeply and reached back at her head again. She tried to stop the punches with her lower arms, but she could barely keep up. I kicked on her shins and she almost lost balance. People started shouting even more now, for me. I thought I had her in my might now. I thought I was going to win this round. But my pride distracted me from focusing on my defense. She found her balance back and swiftly kicked towards my stomach. I backed out when she then tried to hit me in the face. And she did. It was now or never. I defended myself from the punches and smote a big punch on face this time. She was furious to witness my strength. She probably didn't expect this much power from such tiny arms like mine. She shouted briefly and ran to me. Her arm didn't reach for a usual place. I didn't see her hit coming when she stroke one painful pound on top of my head. I fell on my stomach and tried to process the pain that was shot in my head. The massive sounds around me suddenly became deafening while I tried to alleviate my dizziness.

What she did was against the rules, because it can cause some severe injuries. A kick box headgear wasn't made to protect that part of the head. But my wound made everything then times worse. The coach ran to me and I tried to push myself up. A body fell next to me and tried to help me up. I thought it was the coach, but I recognized Demi's face through my blurry vision. I heard Springtown's voice through the crowd, who hurled angry words to Marianne. Demi grabbed my jaws.

"Selena, are you okay? Are you dizzy?" She said with great concern.

"Yeah." I said softly. Moving any muscles on my face hurt like hell right now and I madly felt like fainting.

Demi's POV:

Selena panted while emotionlessly looking at me. She wasn't okay at all. The medical assistant climbed inside the ring helped her sit up. They brought a suitcase with medical stuff. I was furious at Marianne for keeping her pride instead of just following the simple rules. I actually wanted to help Selena, but my body already ran towards the stupid head. The coach stopped me from walking any closer to her.

"Are you out of your fucking mind, you ignorant bitch!?" I swore. She, probably 2 years younger than me, almost shit her pants. She lowered her head of my intimidation.

"Demi, I can handle this on my own, please go help others." Springtown said calmly. As I felt like she didn't understand the threat, I spit in front of her feet as one last attempt of impendence. I swiftly turned around and looked at Selena, who was trying to recover from the headache. I sighed. She didn't deserve that at all.

**_25th March_ **

"We're going to Spain!" I yelled at Selena. I jumped up and down while holding her hands after sneaking up behind her at school. She looked wide-eyed at me. I stopped.

"You're supposed to jump with me, idiot." I smirked. She made a sarcastic face of realization and jumped three times while screaming with me before bursting out laughing.

"When are we going?" She asked.

"On the 2nd of April." I answered and grabbed her hand to walk with her. The sun was finally shining again outside and the whole school always held their breaks outside when that moment came. I mean, we deserved it; we lived in one of the coldest cities of the United States. People stared at us while walking into the schoolyard, but we got used to it. We walked to the corner of the building, the place where nobody cared about what you did. Seriously, if you had sex on the tables, they wouldn't even look up. I stood with my back against the wall and saw how Selena ate her recognizable apple. I couldn't imagine how she could fill her stomach until dinner with that piece of fruit. She looked up while smiling. She walked towards me after she finished it and hugged me from the side.

"There will be a great beach and allot of caves." I said.

"I love caves. I've been to a cave in France once. It had a lake and allot of gems."

"Some of the ones in Spain have that too, I guess."

"And how are we going to stay? Do you have a tent or something?" She said. I laughed of how little she thought. It was adorable.

"I don't think we need a tent in a hotel, right?" I joked. She looked surprised at me.

"Oh... Wow..." She laughed. I grinned. It made me so happy to surprise her like this.

"My mom settled everything. She literally said; 'If you make it through the vacation without trouble, you might have found yourself a good replacement for a boyfriend.'" I said while imitating my mother's typical voice. It was the greatest thing she had told me about Selena and me yet. My parents finally started to understand me better. I was happy to see them accepting us.

**_28th March_ **

"I'm ready." I said while holding Selena's hand. The hairdresser grabbed his scissor and tried to assess the right height. My mother sat in the back of the room, watching me freaking out. The hairdresser cut the first locks of my hair. It was now official. After cutting it all off, I looked at the mirror with abhorrence. It was still curled and brown, but short. I hated it.

"Now don't be scared, girl. We are still going to straighten and color it as well. She grabbed the straightener and started to iron my curls into beautiful straight locks. I smiled when I saw the result. It was getting better.

After half an hour, after the hairdresser finally washed away the dye out of my hair, she blow-dried the black locks and brushed it. Everything was finally done. I turned around to see myself in the mirror. Selena loved it, and I did too. We were finally freed from the clumsy, messy, poofy hair. I looked at my mom, who looked shocked at me. My smile disappeared. She got up and brushed her hand through it.

"Well, that's a whole other you." She said. I nodded.

"It looks surprisingly good on you." She added. A big smile appeared on my face and I hugged her. Hello, new awesome hair.


	16. Her mind was blank

Selena's POV:

I hadn't heard anything of my shadows for a few weeks. That's the longest time since they made me kill my parents. I was scared something terrible was going to happen, but there was nothing bad that could possibly happen now. We were heading off to Spain. According to the time, we were about to arrive in de middle of the night. If there is anyone who is sensitive for jetlags, than it's me.  
We stepped into the plane and sat down next to each other. Demi was highly excited about flying and smiled the whole time. The bundle of joy kept looking around and kissing my cheek and it made me laugh.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to inform you that we will have some weather difficulties during the flight. We will make a small stop if it storms too much, have a nice flight!" The pilot said through the speakers. Great. The plane lifted up and indeed, after a few hours it started to storm outside. I looked at the dark clouds we were passing. I was able to see some small lightning strikes from afar. It made me nervous. Demi watched the fascinating bombs of light with me. I grabbed her arm and rested my head on her shoulder while my eyes were still pointed at the round window. A big one stroke near us and I hold on tighter in a reflex while my heart skipped a beat.

"Scared of thunder?" Demi softly asked. I nodded and dug my nose in her neck. I heard a smirk coming from her. Yeah, go on. Be amused, I thought sarcastically.

"You're scared of my motor cycle so shut up." I smiled. She laughed harder now and nodded as confession.

I let myself fall on the kings bed inside our hotel. It was beautiful in the room. Demi opened the curtains.

"Look at this..." She said. I got up to see the view. We could see the beautiful beach with some mountains behind it. The night was dark. one lighthouse emitted light and spread it around the beach. Demi closed the curtains again and claimed a side of the bed.

"This side is mine. It has the remote control holder." She said fast. I laughed and lied down on the other side.

"Let's pack out tomorrow." I said while twisting my hair. Demi got up, walked to her suitcase to grab her pajamas and walked over to the bathroom. It was the cutest thing ever, because I knew she wouldn't mind to dress down in front of me. She just gave me privacy to dress down myself. She walked back into the room after we both prepared to sleep. She lied down next to me. I looked at her, at her face and her beautiful new hair.

"Will you be my little spoon?" I said with a childish voice. She grinned and turned her back to me. I snuggled up to her from behind and she rested her head on my arm.

"I think my shadows are making contact with other shadows, you know?" I said with my eyes closed.

"Are they able to do that?" She asked. I shrug my shoulders.

"They haven't spoken in weeks. I'm afraid something's wrong."

"Maybe this vacation is good for them. They could be tired just like you."

"They were the ones who made me tired." I said. She smirked. I replaced my arm under hers. She turned her head to see my face.

"Don't worry." She said.

"I'm still standing with both feet on this earth because of my worries." I replied. I kissed her cheek. She stared into nothing, thinking. She then turned around and kissed me. Her head was still on my arm and it stayed that way. We lied while kissing, and it felt very relaxing. She danced with her tongue against mine while her hand moved over my hip. I placed my hand on her cheek, with her ear between my fore and middle finger. We pulled away, but our foreheads stayed attached together. I saw her beautiful eyes looking at me. She had no make-up on. Her fresh face was beautiful. Her nose and cheeks were covered with freckles. I smiled when I noticed them. It was so cute, it highly amused me. She kissed my forehead and turned back around, allowing me to snuggle up to her again. We fell asleep that way.

**_29th March_ **

We were going to the caves the next day. I wish never had done that. It led us to a nightmare.

I packed the right stuff and she was still in the bathroom fixing her hair.

"Come on, Dems, we're getting behind schedule this way." I yelled.

"I just don't get my hair in the right way." She yelled back. I walked over to her and saw her trying to place her hair in several positions. They all looked normal on her, but she didn't like it.

"Isn't this haircut supposed to look good in every way?" I said. She sighed.

"You're right. This position is the best, let's go."

We headed off to the caves near the beach. You were not allowed to go in every cave, some were too dangerous. We walked on the small paths with different openings for the caves. Tanned people walked around like actual tourists. And we were tourists too, together. The idea made me happy, I didn't even know why. We had entered many caves already, some had guides you could hire. They walked around in groups.

"You're pale, are you okay?" Demi asked.

"Just a little nauseous, and I'm always pale." I answered. Demi handed me her bottle of water. I admired how much she cared about me. We stopped near an inaccessible cave, so that I could drink her water.

"Hey Sel, this cave looks awesome." She said. I looked inside. It led to a big room with a gap in the roof, probably the top of a volcano, judging from the light that sneaked into the big hall. The walls had several layers you could stand on.

"Yeah, but we can't go in there." I said and pointed at the fence that was placed in the opening. Demi looked around.

"Maybe we can." She said. I shook my head severely.

"No Demi, there's a reason we can't go in there."

"Look honey, it's probably because the volcano isn't dead. But how high is the change it'll explode today?" She said to convince me. But she didn't even look to see my answer, because she already squeezed herself between the fence and the walls. I awkwardly looked around if anyone saw us. She turned around and waved for me to follow her. And I was so stupid, that I indeed did. She helped me slip through it. My nausea suddenly became heavier. Demi grabbed my hand and pulled me to the room.

"Wow." She said when she saw the beautiful scenery at close quarters. I gulped while looking at the different layers of ground. Something was off here. And my surmise was right, because the light suddenly got interrupted by darkness. I looked at Demi to check if she could see it too. She did, she confusingly looked around.

"What's going on?" She said. We heard noises coming from the dark corners of the volcano. And to my biggest surprise, people stepped into what was left of the light. They barely walked, they crawled. The way they moved was humanly impossible. They were grey and their face expressions were either emotionless or defiantly. My jaw dropped when I realized what was heading off towards us.

"Penariks..."I said softly. Demi looked flabbergasted at me. There really were other creatures like me. They were real. I saw how they came closer in an increasing speed. More and more Penariks crawled out of the darkness. From dozens to hundreds. They lived together. They were a flock. My eyes widened when I remembered what my shadows told me before granting me a conscious full-grown life. _Don't ever find yourself near a flock._

"We need to get away from here." I grabbed Demi's arm and pulled her with me. But we got stopped by other Penariks that had sneaked up from behind. I tried to push through them but they pushed me back into a circle. Demi got scared to death and held on tight to my arm.

"What are they doing?" She asked. I could now see them from up close as they surrounded us. They had wounds all over their body and their skin were horrifyingly grey. They were dead, they looked like zombies. I could still see the difference in gender, women and men. My heart pounded wildly in my chest when I saw them studying me. They didn't look at Demi, their eyes were pointed at me.

"They are observing me." I said. Suddenly, a horrifying cry resounded through the roars of the Penariks. They all silenced. Another Penarik stepped towards us. A man. His head was wrapped around in a white lace cloth, just like some of the others. But he had something no one else had. Two sharp pieces of metal were pierced from his eyebrows, through his cheekbones. He bent his arms and shoulders in scary ways behind his back while crawling towards us. He screamed cries to his fellow beings. About us, I could tell from the way he looked at the Penariks and back at us. My shadows suddenly fully blocked my vision. They were finally back. Their scared faces popped in front of me and they screamed louder than ever.

_WE WARNED YOU. FIND A WAY TO BE SAVED. USE HER. WE NEED HER CONTACT_ _OR_ _U WILL DIE FOREVER._

Their scared cries alarmed me to obey them immediately. I grabbed Demi's arms.

"Demi look at me. I don't know what I'm doing, but just look at me." I said swiftly. Demi's scared face was right in front of me and I tried my very best to give her the same energy as before. I didn't know why I did it, but my shadows begged me to. Demi's widened eyes told me she received it. I wanted to say something to her, but the man yelled his final words. His aching words gave me a severe pain. I screamed while I felt the connection between me and my shadows getting ripped apart. I walked backwards while I tried to ease the pain in any way possible. The shadows screamed with me, they probably felt the same pain. What was going on? Something ripped us apart. I fell on my knees when our connection snapped, which caused the last strike of pain. I gasped while I looked at my wrists.

Demi's POV:

The other Penariks yelled and screamed while dancing around us like apes. My vision was almost black and white and in a negative effect again. Why had she given me that ability again? I tried to help Selena up, as I had no idea what happened to her. But it highly concerned me.

"My shadows! They're gone! Look!" Selena's eyes filled up with tears when she showed me that the symbols on her wrists were vanished.

"Selena what is going to happen, please talk to me!" I yelled at her. The man with the white lace cloth yelled once more, which presumably meant something terrible was going to happen again.

"TALK TO ME, PLEASE." I yelled of despair and grabbed her arms again. Selena did nothing else than looking in my eyes. She still gasped. The Penariks now screamed louder than ever as the one with the cloth walked towards her. He raised his chin and looked at her from above. His eyes were menacing and scary. Selena bared her teeth while her breath increased again. She frowned and squeezed her eyes. It looked like something pushed her head and she tried her best to push back.

A few Penariks suddenly grabbed me from behind and pulled me back. I screamed of resistance but they were way stronger than me. Selena now arduously got pushed down. She slowly fell back on her knees and placed her hands on the ground. She bowed for the man. She actually bowed for him. I now realized all he did was intimidating her. Like a beta bowing for her alpha.

"I came, I saw, I conquered, I balled. Iblis said get em so I got 'em all. And turned this Baru into a burial." He screamed abstruse words I didn't understand. But my eyes were glued to Selena, who had her head pointed to the ground. I was shocked to see her arms turn greyer than ever. Her shoulders went up and down swiftly and she holed her nails into the dirt. The man laughed horribly and danced once again. The others followed his scary dance. I tried my very best get a glimpse of her face, but her damaged hair was in the way.

Of course I knew what was going on. She turned into one of her species. But I was too scared to handle it. I screamed like a baby as I saw her turn into a dead creature. It was horrific.

The man yelled his last words and Selena raised her head. Emotionless. It was as if a big grey blur covered her eyes. Her mind was blank.

I had little time to realize she had turned into a monster, but she already slowly moved her head towards me. She got up and bended her arms behind her back just like the others, while the Penariks started pulling my clothes and my hair. I was now in danger, and Selena was gone. I pushed myself through the Penariks, who tried to keep me inside the crowd when Selena quickly walked towards me. I had to run away from her, or she could be my death. I kept pushing and wrenching myself through the crowd until I finally reached the opening of the cave. I fell out of the crowd and saw how the Penariks backed out, scared of the light. They then crawled back while still yelling after me.

"SELENA!!!" I screamed. I saw her emotionless face pointed at me and turning around. She vanished between the others. She was gone. My love was gone. The tears rolled down my cheeks as I saw the creatures disappear back into the darkness. And there I stood, alone. Heartbroken.


	17. I am mighty

Selena's POV:

**_August 14th, 5 years ago_ **

I woke up after a rough sleep. It was still in the middle of the night, but my awareness of time was gone. I stared towards the ceiling while my shadows bounced around. In front of my face and spread through the room. They yelled at me. I was confused to see my head lifting up without my own will.

_Kill. Kill. Kill. Death. Don't spare their lives. We hate them. You hate them. Make us proud. Kill. Kill._

The shadows spit their words at me. Furious like fire. Like the hell itself. They made me feel furious. I was so angry. It felt like I was trapped in an eleven years old body, but I was as big as the devil. I could spit fire, I was mighty. As mighty as God, as mighty as Satan. The feeling boiled up in my body and I stood up. My fists were clenched. They made me feel like I was in hell, and like I belonged there. I was so mighty, I could mistreat my slaves without concern. For fun. I enjoyed blood. I could stab people in their backs and laugh about it. I was too mighty to feel compassion. I could see flashes of myself as a full-grown Penarik. And I was so proud of it. I heard screams, screams that sounded like music to my ears. I didn't see what I was doing anymore. All I saw was how enjoyed my mightiness, caused by my shadows. I saw blood on my hands, and I enjoyed it. I loved it. I wanted to smear it all over my body, to feel even mightier. So that people could see how I killed. Killed like God, killed like Satan.

My broken body woke up the next morning. I was up in a second, confused of the feeling I still felt. I felt so broken. I felt so weak. What did I do? I looked at my wrists, the symbols illuminated. They had never done that before. My shadows were nowhere to be seen.

What I saw when I wanted to visit my parents, is indescribable. Too traumatizing to tell. They were dead, and my sister too, that's all I can say. Like I told Demi, the blood was everywhere. Don't find me a creep, but I had lied next to them, the whole day. Because it just looked like they were sleeping. Their skin was pale and greyish. They actually looked like me for once. As if they really were my parents. They were of course, but they were always so tanned compared to me. I barely looked like a child of theirs. They were dead, but I couldn't call the cops. They would know I did it. It was so hard for me to process it. I didn't kill them, but I did.

I lied to the rest of my family that I was in a care for orphans. That the police brought me there. They lived on the other side of the country, so they couldn't visit me anyways. I sobbed in my bed for the rest of the year, until people noticed me. I had to move, on my own. I had to teach myself so many things, I got used to living alone through the years.

Demi's POV:

**_29th March, present_ **

I lied on my side of my bed. I was alone. Selena was gone. Dead. She now danced for her shadows in terrifying ways, along with her flock members. Her mind was now blank. She couldn't think. She could observe, but not process. The only persons who processed were her shadows. I had so many questions that could never be answered. I had to go home now, and come up with a lie to explain she wasn't with us anymore. I could say she had been in a car crash, but I had no scratch. I could say she got a really bad flu, but I would've called earlier if she had. I was not going to pretend to still be with her, and I was not going to stay here any longer. I would have to go home on my own and live my old life again. I would have to live with my pain. I would have to go back to my homophobic, sexist, racist, brainwashed family and friends. I would have zero friends, except Ruby. Everyone at school would talk about me, and maybe bully me. I had to face it all while getting reminded of her every second of the day, since I was now stuck with that scary vision and feeling she had given me before turning into a terrible creature. And above all, no support from her. She wouldn't be there if I had my best and worst moments anymore. I couldn't even imagine that her spirit was around me, because she isn't dead. Her spirit was still trapped in the corpse that was now fulfilling the dreams of her shadows.

I caressed the other side of the bed. It was cold, but still messy from when her beautiful body had pressed against it for many hours. I caressed her pillow. Her beautiful face had rested on it, this very night. With her lips, that I kissed a few hours ago. I never thought that would be our last.

_We're here_

Whispers echoed through my head. I sat up and looked around. Was I becoming crazy? I frowned and softly slapped my cheeks to wake up.

_Don't be scared_

The whispers now turned into affable voices.

_We're hers, but she's not ours anymore_

Selena's shadows actually spoke to me. My jaw dropped. I didn't dare to speak, maybe it wasn't real. I tensed my lip and wiped away my tears.

_You can speak_

The sentences became more audible every second. I now knew what Selena witnessed when the shadows made contact with her. It was scary.

"W-what do you mean with 'she's not ours anymore'?" I hesitated to ask.

_They took our precious away from us. Others now share their shadow with her. One big and powerful shadow. She left us behind._

"Why? Why did she bow for the man with the metal pieces through his face, if she knew the consequences?" I asked distracted. The shadows were quiet for a second.

_It is in her nature to bow for a true alpha... It is in her nature to join a clan without her own will..._

I stared forward while I listened to the painful words they said. She didn't do anything. She didn't want to leave me, she told me we had to get out of there.

_We warned her so many times, but no Penarik can resist the influence of a flock._

The image of Selena struggling to keep her individuality together played like a movie in my head. How she tried to keep standing on both feet. But the strength of all the Penariks around her pushed her down. How the back of her mind told her to keep her head up, but the influence made her bow for the alpha.

A tear rolled down my cheek with that thought. I was so confused. Did God tear us apart because she was a Penarik?

"I need her back." I said confidential. The shadows appeared in my sight. They twisted around me. The encouraged me by making hissing sounds.

_The flock must be destroyed._

They sang words in languages I didn't know. In old English words. Words that made me furious. The five shadows sounded like a whole choir. They were mighty, I had never been aware of that. They could ask for the devil's grace. They made me feel mighty. I was sitting on my bed, my arms around my knees, busy with seeing the images in front of me. How the shadows spoke to other shadows that I hadn't seen before. The amount of following shadows multiplied. They made fire. They rallied to make a plan. A plan to get their owners back. They danced in the fire and cheered. I was just a spectator. I saw how the images turned scarier. Satanic things I didn't want to see. It was their way to hearten their fellow shadows. I noticed my breath increasing when the images took over my whole sight. The warmth of the fire made me break a sweat. The shadows still raged around while the walls of the room expanded. The fire could melt my eyeballs out, I saw images of it happening. How my skin melted. I panted while getting terrified by the visions the shadows gave me. Until a flash of Selena's face popped in front of me. The straw broke the camel's back.

"NO!" I yelled and covered my eyes while letting myself fall on my side. The fire vanished and the room was smaller again. The shadows stopped, and the others disappeared. I hadn't realized they had made me see biblically forbidden things. I almost got lugged with their Satanic thoughts. But Selena's face restored my humanity. I cried while rolling down my sleeves and making myself as small as possible. I had forgotten that those very creatures also had paralyzed me. They wanted to kill me. They had made Selena kill her family. They were truly evil.

"Dear God, please forgive me for making contact with those demons. I'd just do anything to get her back, anything. Please help me, bless me, and watch over me. Please, I just need her." I sniffed. The shadows sank to my height. Shocked by how scared I was of what I'd just seen.

_We can take her together, we don't need the other forms of darkness._

"Is that possible?" I asked.

_See her as a separate mind and body. Her mind is blurred by the big shadow now, but her body is still there. If we take the body, we'll take the mind with us and mend her._

I barely understood what they meant.

"How?" I asked.

_We need to find a way to let her allow us to be her shadows again. We need her to ditch the big shadow. You have to convince her that what she's doing is not good. It's the only way._

Selena's POV:

ne sceal hearpan sweg wigend weccean

ne winfæ't gylden guma sceal healdan

ne god hafoc geond sæ'l swingan

ne se swifta mearh burhstede beatan

Bealocwealm hafað fréone frecan forth onsended

giedd sculon singan gléomenn sorgiende

on bróðorlufu thæt he ma no wære

his dryhtne dyrest and maga deorost

 

_The sound of the harp shall not wake the warrior_

_Nor shall the man hold a golden wine-cup_

_Nor good hawk swing through the hall_

_Nor the swift horse stamp in the courtyard_

_An evil death has set for the noble warrior_

_A song shall sing sorrowing minstrels_

_In love that he is no more_

_To his lord dearest and kinsmen most beloved_


	18. Epilogue

Demi's POV:

_**30th march** _

My alarm clock went off at 5:00 AM in the morning. I quickly got up and dressed myself. I was ready. Ready to get back what was stolen from her shadows and me. I tied my hair up in a small knot and packed my stuff. I finished packing in five minutes and ran downstairs. We had fully sorted out our plan yesterday. I opened the emergency exit and ran into town to the station of all the taxis. I broke in with my credit card and waited outside while the alarm went off. I saw how the shadows went in and tried to break the cameras. It worked, I heard pieces falling on the floor. The alarm stopped and the shadows floated outside to tell me they were finished. I ran in and stole one of the car keys. I clicked the button and saw one of the car lights lighting up. I stepped inside and rode out of the station.

I parked the car underneath the mountains. I looked up and saw the opening of the cave where Selena should be right now. I of course wasn't sure if this plan was going to work. But I was not going to spend the rest of my life without her. Not without, at least, saying goodbye. I climbed over the fence of the park, the place where you normally had to pay. I ran upwards until I reached the opening of the cave. There was no one inside. Only the light of the volcano crater sneaked inside. I hesitated to slip inside. I was scared. Everything in there could kill me.

"Come on Demetria, do it for Selena." I said to myself. I could really use the encouragement of the shadows now, but they didn't dare to scare me once more.

_Don't ever touch her before we have her back, it will be your death_

I inhaled fast and slipped through the space between the fence and the edge of the opening. I walked inside and expected the Penariks to come out of the corners again. But no one was there. No sound was to be heard. I gulped. It felt like the shadows used me as a shield. They hid their selves behind me like scared toddlers.

"Are you guys ready?" I said to them. But they were quiet. I opened my backpack, took out a flashlight and started lightening around me. I heard noises coming from the places where I shone the flashlight. They really were here, so Selena was too.

"Selena? Come out, I want to talk to you." I softly yelled with a quivering voice. The noises became louder and louder and yes, the Penariks came out. I turned off the flashlight. Their faces were emotionless, but their eyes were still widened. Probably surprised that I came back. They didn't make a circle around me this time. They danced on the different layers of ground. I scanned the creatures, looking for Selena.

"Selena? Come here, please." I yelled again. It was useless. Penariks fell on the ground behind me and came closer. I stiffened as they observed me. They pulled my clothes and arms. I quickly turned around and pointed my flashlights at them.

"Step back." I stuttered. They crawled back with their eyes still pointed at me. I could menace them with the light.

"Where is Selena?" I yelled more confidential. I suddenly heard a big cry from the other side of the place. The man with the pieces of metal pierced through his face let himself fall on the ground floor. All the Penariks made a way for him to walk. I never noticed he was the only one who walked like a normal human.

_It's the big shadow's original owner. The alpha._

The shadows whispered.

"You come steel me new meat." He said with bad English.

"No." I said. He widened his eyes. He yelled at his Penariks to back away from me. He walked towards me.

"You come join us!?" He shouted. I didn't even know that was possible for a normal human.

"I came to speak to Selena." I said. He burst out laughing and the others followed him. My heart pounded wildly.

"ALORE. GREEK MOON!" He yelled louder than ever. His challenging sneer terrified me. I saw the creatures making way for another Penarik, and just as I thought, Selena stepped into the big gap between the alpha and me. She looked grisly and angry. Brainwashed. It hurt me to see her again, in this way. I stepped towards her, but the other Penariks stopped me and Selena stepped back with a shocked face. I noticed the strange feeling she had given me bloom inside. The feeling of wanting nothing but the energy she radiated. But I had to ignore it, even though I knew that was hard. She had given me the feeling so that her shadows could speak to me, not to trap me inside that trance again.

"Selena. Don't be scared. Please." I spoke.

Selena turned her head a little, her eyes were glued to me. She frowned of confusion. Did she remember me?

"I love you, I know you love me too. Don't be scared of the shadows that are confronting you right now. You were once theirs. They want you back and I do too. Don't let the others fool you, you're way better than any Penarik." The Penariks became furious when I spoke to her. They screamed riddles in old English and Selena confusingly looked around.

"You wrong to think this turn her back human." The alpha said. I knew that. But the man didn't know I had brought her original shadows with me. I ignored the scary man and saw how Selena looked at her shadows. I didn't see the alpha's big shadow, but I knew the shadows were confronting the big one as well. I didn't know if that was a good idea.

"Please! Accept them as your shadows!" I yelled. Selena now stepped towards me. I couldn't tell from her face if she was convinced or not. She came closer and closer and I stiffened by her scary look. She stood a few inches away from me. I could now clearly see the grey skin and the blur in her eyes. The wounds on every part of her body. How she didn't breathe. She frowned again as the Penariks repeated their riddle. She suddenly grabbed my throat and pushed me against the wall of the volcano.

"Stop! No!" I yelled while gasping for air. I thought her touch would kill me, but it somehow didn't. Her cold hand squeezed my windpipe while I tried my very best to push her arm away. The others laughed like hyenas while dancing and running around. I couched and still searched for air in any way possible. The dead eyes were only pointed at me. She was way stronger than me, stronger than ever before.

"Help, help me, please!" I yelled to the shadows. They vanished in the air. I couldn't see them anymore. I thought they left me. Until Selena suddenly stopped. I fell on my knees while I tried to restore my breath. I looked at her, why did she stop? She looked back at me while she bared her teeth. Pure confusion. The shadows appeared again, mightier than ever. They tried to claim her back. I got up and stepped towards her. She finally inhaled again. The Penariks screamed like furious apes and pulled her arms. But both of her feet were nailed to the ground. The others kept repeating their riddle, which made it harder for the shadows to restore the ownership. They flied around, trying their best to make contact with her, but the big shadow, the shadow of the alpha, was too powerful The only person who could bring back the bond was me. I stepped closer to her and slowly placed my hands on her ice cold shoulders. Her eyes widened of anger and confusion, its blur vanished and they filled up with tears.

"It's okay. It's okay... You're going to be fine." I said. It looked like the mighty Penarik finally confessed to be broken. As if she felt care for the first time. Her skin slowly got its color back. The alpha stood stiffened on the other side of the place. He yelled at Selena, but Selena had stopped obeying. I felt how the shadows slowly got their power back. Good. I repeated to her that she was going to be okay. That it was okay for her to cry and to feel. It was something I had been waiting to tell her earlier.

She was so broken. Broken as a Penarik, but also as a human being. She had killed her family and she only hurt the ones she loved. She just wanted people to love her too. She found me, but in the end she hurt and lost me as well. It felt as if the expression on her face was not only created by the confusion. Her pain created the expression as well.

Her breath increased as I tried to come closer. Just to hug her, that's all I wanted to do. Not because I was still overwhelmed by the desire for her energy, but just because I wanted her to feel again. I placed my chin on her shoulder and wrapped my arms around her waist. She didn't hug back, it felt like I was hugging a statue. Her chest slowly went up and down against mine again. I had missed it so much. I felt warm tears falling on my shoulder. It was time.

"Now." I said with a cracked voice. The shadows disappeared from my sight again. Selena's soul got pulled out by them and I felt how Selena let her body fall into my arms. The Penariks screamed harder than ever and pulled my clothes. I lifted Selena's legs up and ran to the entry of the cave. Like a déjà vu, I ran away from the other Penariks. I tried to squeeze myself through the entry again as I lifted Selena over the fence. The Penariks still pulled her hair and arms, closer to the light than before. They screamed, they even hang with their upper bodies over the fence. I managed to get through and push the Penariks away from her. They were raging over the fact that I took a member of their non-beloved family. I shot myself through the entry, and almost lost balance over the edge of the path because of her weight. The Penariks screamed while they backed out for the light of the morning sun.

We made it. We seriously made it. Selena was torn apart from the flock. I gently placed her against the outside walls as I saw how her skin color returned by the second. I warmed her hands up while I waited for her mind to finally come back. And it did, she came back. She inhaled deeply as she opened her eyes, finally chocolate brown again, no grey blur. Her dead expression finally turned into actual realization. She looked at her hand that she lifted on her own will.

"N-no pain." She said. I smiled at her while tears rolled down. She looked back at me.

"I finally remember you." She said. A smile appeared on her face and she quickly sat up to hug me. I laughed of relieve.

Selena's POV:

I had forgotten how it felt to love. I had forgotten Demi. And I had definitely forgotten that I loved Demi. The only thing I remembered from being in the cave is the big shadow I was attracted to. I didn't want to obey him from the inside, but the influence of him and all the others were then times stronger than I was. I was so happy to wake up in the light of the morning sun. I was happy to wake up with my own mind. I could think again.

"Did it hurt in there?" Demi asked when pulling back.

"What?"

"You said 'no pain'." She said concerned. I've always had pain, caused by my shadows. But they somehow stopped hurting me. I lifted my head to search for contact with them. I owed my life to them, even though they theoretically killed me several times. They finally appeared in my sight. Demi looked at them as well, which reminded me that I had given her the ability to feel my energy again. I now knew why.

_We have been pulled apart from each other. And we are so happy to have you back. But once a Penarik is torn apart from its shadows, their bond cannot be fully restored. We don't feel your energy anymore, which is why we don't hurt you anymore. We're happy that you are freed from both the alpha's shadow and us. We will stay with you, but we will depend on you no more, just as you don't depend on us any longer._

Demi and I looked back at each other. I grinned and broke the bond between her and the shadows. She sighed relieved.

"Thank you." She hugged me once more.

"So, now that the shadows don't feed me anymore. I am so hungry." I said. We burst out laughing. Demi helped me up and grabbed my hands.

"Can you hold on for one minute?" She asked.

"Why?"

"Because I missed you." She said and pressed her lips against mine. I smiled and kissed back. We could finally kiss as two normal peopl. Nor my shadows, nor her hair, nor my hypnotizing energy was in the way. We were finally freed from our problems.

Demi's POV:

_**15th May** _

_I am that I am_. It was true. The phrase repeated itself constantly, every time I learned something. God loves us, despite the fact that people saw us as devils. God never hated lesbians, or Penariks. He loves us, only if we know how to love. I danced around with my feet and pushed in my mouthguard. I tied my short hair up in a knot and took a few sips of my bottle of water.

"Welcome to this year's final competition! I am happy to introduce you to one of my best kick boxers in our kickboxing team! Please welcome, one of the greatest female kick boxers of Maine, on the left side, Demi Lovato!" I turned around and held my arms up while the people cheered for me. I laughed of excitement. I saw my parents, Alice, and all my brothers and sisters sitting in the front row of the public. They encouraged me even more than Ruby, who stood at the edge of the ring.

"And on the other side, one of our first team members to ever get this far in one year, on the right side, Selena Gomez!" Selena now stepped forward and held her arms up. My family cheered as much for her as they cheered for me. I looked at how great she felt. She was beautiful in every single way. The coach called us together. We stroke the ride pose and smiled at each other. I was so deeply in love with the woman I was about to fight with. It was humorous.

'Good luck,' I mouthed to her in a teasing way.

'You too,' she mouthed back and grinned.

The coach whistled and stepped back and Selena and I reached with our boxing gloves to each other.


End file.
